Diver: Easy Eddy of Them and the Man

Interesting facts:They are not to be trusted

 

Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com, or by fax at 259-0448.

Dear Diver,

How often should I lube? My husband believes in always lubing, but I do it every other time. My technique seems to work well, but he disagrees. Is it possible to overlube?

- The Durango Pedaler

Dear Pedals,

When sprocket engages chain, we all want a smooth-running drive train. Lubrication is a question of conditions – sometimes wet, sometimes dry – and personal taste. However, to assure domestic tranquility, I advise your husband to keep it lady’s choice. Personally, I lube as often as possible.

- The Dirty Driving Diver

Dear Diver,

I’ve been noticing a large number of panhandlers and hippies in downtown Durango this summer. I thought busking was illegal in Durango. What’s the deal?

- Signed, Bryant Liggett, concerned citizen

Dear Leggitt,

Holy miscreants on Main Street! Maligning malcontents muse busting

bohemian buskers! I share your concern, citizen. Here’s the deal: you might not know, but there are no bums on Bowery Street anymore. The smart ones (or the lucky, like you and me) have left for such places as beautiful Durango, destination summer-vacation home of the homeless. Legal? Due to the enlightened benevolence of our great society, being poor is pretty much against the law. We must run in different crowds. Most hippies I meet are artists, musicians, entrepreneurs and the like, who choose to fly the freak flag. Hippies often support local community radio. Legal? As of this writing, it is not illegal to be a hippie. Busking, or soliciting money on the street by means of performing an act such as music or juggling, is legal in the city of Durango as long as such busker buys a bona-fide business license. The nice folks at City Hall will gladly issue one to each and every enterprising street entertainer. Next time you are tempted to toss a tip or tithe to benefit a beggar on his beat, ask to see his license, ‘cause we don’t want people publicly panhandling without a permit.

– Don’t even get me started on the bikers, The Diver 

Dear Diver,

I’ve arrived at that special age where beers are beginning to

stick to my midsection. What are the Diver’s secret recipes for summer cocktails that get you airborne without leaving you feeling bloated? Also, vodka drinks need not apply due to a personal “allergy” to the liquid.

– Powerfully Thirsty in Durango

Dear Thirsty,

Not being much of a drinking man these days, I thought I would ask for insight from my old drinking buddies. Unfortunately, they are all dead or in rehab. So, being a man for all seasons, I’ll go with my old standby – a drink for all seasons – single malt scotch. Neat. Water back. Or, if on a tight budget, there’s always the “Desert Rat Daiquiri”: Gatorade and cheap white port. That’ll do the trick.

– Still the Designated Driver Diver 

In this week's issue...

January 25, 2024
Bagging it

State plastic bag ban is in full effect, but enforcement varies

January 26, 2024
Paper chase

The Sneer is back – and no we’re not talking about Billy Idol’s comeback tour.

January 11, 2024
High and dry

New state climate report projects continued warming, declining streamflows