Dear Diver,

When will they stop playing classic rock? Can I expect to hear it for the rest of my life?

– Played out on the south side

Dear Played Out,

When I was a little girl, my father got me hooked on the oldies. I would tune in my bedroom radio and swoon over Ritchie Valens and Buddy Holly. I progressed into a sad but brief Garth Brooks phase in my preteens and thankfully moved on to Nirvana and Blind Melon. And I am now clicking my heels to Tommy Waits. The point being that I have never gone through a Lynyrd Sknyrd period. And to answer your question: They will never stop playing classic rock. And yes, you will have to listen to it for the rest of your life. That is of course if you choose to never stand up and say, “I’m not going to take it!” as Twisted Sister has done and turn the crap off. Go on, liberate yourself and try listening to the music you like!

– Kickin it with Creedence, The Diver 

Dear Diver,

Whatever became of the perm? I sported several varieties of the hair killer back in the era of Debbie Gibson and Bryan Adams. Now that the mullet’s been beaten to death and actually become a cult classic, I’m predicting a comeback. What do you think, frizz or flat?

– Curly Sue, Durango

What Up Big Perm?!

Frizz Baby Frizz! I was so stoked when my mom let me get my first perm. Sadly I was a victim of the half-flat half-fro. I tried it two more times until I was told that I didn’t have the right hair for the treatment. The grow-out duration was a time of deep shame for me, especially since it coincided with puberty. Your question has brought out the old Shirley Temple inside of me … let’s meet up at Fantastic Sam’s this Saturday and we’ll stink up this town together! My flat-fro and yours! 

– Already got my pick out, The Diver

Dear Diver

Gravy, mashers, cheese cake, whipped cream, butter cookies, truffles, eggnog … the temptation is driving me crazy. Every year I manage to stack on about a dozen pounds between Thanksgiving and Christmas and am sick of it. How can I make a clean break this year? Please help me fight the battle of the holiday bulge.

– Hungry for more in Durango

Dear Put that Teeny Weenie Down,

Oh a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips! If you are unable to practice self restraint or portion control, then I have only a suggestion for you.... two words: coffee and cigarettes.  

– Happy Puffing, the Diver