Diver: Shannon Hahn and Jessie Davis of G-Swartz

Interesting facts: Jessie and Shannon tried to calculate how many years they’d been best friends, but 22 minus FOREVER isn’t an actual number


Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com, or by fax at 259-0448.

Dear Diver,

My boyfriend insists on taking his dog, Barney, with him everywhere. And I mean everywhere. While he’s an OK dog and all, sometimes three’s a crowd, if you catch my drift. Am I being a prude to insist that Barney gets the boot from the boudoir or are we talking serious dysfunctional relationship here?

– Me or the dog

Dear dog lover,

Explain to your boyfriend that just because dogs don’t mind having sex in front of people doesn’t necessarily mean that people should have sex in front of their dogs. In the bedroom, your boyfriend should prioritize your comfort above his dog’s. And if that’s a deal-breaker for your boyfriend, it’s probably time to assert yourself and upgrade.

– Divers

Dear Diver,

Recently, I’ve had quite the string of bad luck. First, I sprained my ankle in a freak accident, then I had my wallet stolen and now my cat ran away. My friend, who is a devout Buddhist, says I brought it upon myself by sending too much “negative energy” into the universe. Is she right? And if so, how do I make things right again with the universe? Or is it simply that sometimes, bad things happen to good people?

– Down and Out in D-Town

Dear D.O.D,

We think both of those theories are valid. Yes, sometimes bad things happen to good people, but certainly a bad attitude and bad energy contributes to one’s misfortune. To improve your situation, simply smile at the world and the world will smile back. Your positive attitude and positive energy will make you feel better as well as reverse your karmic debt to the universe.  

– Divers

Dear Diver,

Please help settle a dispute in my household. How many pairs of Carhartt’s does a man need? At last count, my husband had at least 30 pairs, all in various shades of brownish/grayish/tan. I’m sure there’s more lurking under furniture, in the laundry hamper or wadded up at the bottom of his closet but I am afraid to look. Am I being unreasonable to ask him to “pare” down the collection? If this keeps up, we’ll need to add on to the house. Or do you think he needs to seek professional help for his addiction?

– Canvasaholic’s wife

Dear counter-canvas,

Here’s an exercise: let’s try to put ourselves in your husband’s shoes and picture how he sees himself. We’re seeing a superhero named Duck Dungaree who is a rugged, manly badass, drives a Ford F-150, always carries a Leatherman multi tool at his side, and has a beautiful, sexy wife who doesn’t mind how many Carhartt jeans he has.

– Divers

In this week's issue...

January 25, 2024
Bagging it

State plastic bag ban is in full effect, but enforcement varies

January 26, 2024
Paper chase

The Sneer is back – and no we’re not talking about Billy Idol’s comeback tour.

January 11, 2024
High and dry

New state climate report projects continued warming, declining streamflows