Diver:Travis from Home Slice Pizza

Interesting facts:Travis’ Choose Your Own Adventure somehow landed him in the land of the pie  


Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com, or by fax at 259-0448.

Dear Diver,

Whats up with my friends dusting me on the trail? The past two times I have hiked with friends, I have been left. I am not talking about us each hiking at our own paces. I am talking LEFT. Out of sight and voice range, and in a land of mountain lions, falling rocks, accidents, etc. I have gotten the feeling lately that people are hiking more to see who summits first or who is out of the forest first. I know hiking keeps me healthy. But my first reason for going into the wild is to feel closer to God, shed the stress, etc., … not to shave an inch off my ass or make it a race. If you come across a loner crumpled on the trail will someone please find my friend and let them know??? What gives?

– Deserted in the dirt.

Dear DnD,

I think that you simply might be out of your niche. If you choose to walk slow and smell the roses, then you should find yourself some senior citizens to hike with. The youth of today has lost its ability to appreciate nature for what it has to offer. Another option is to hike with stoners; they are easily distracted by birds and crickets, so they hike much slower. Hiking with fatties would also be helpful to your cause, not to mention a good ego boost. Another option would be to pull a Tonya Harding and give them a good whack in the knee cap. That will slow them down for sure. All of these options will work great for you. Don’t forget to pet the big kitty cats. They are friendly around these parts.

– Diver

Dear Diver,

Here’s a strange Four Corners question for you. Which of the region’s hard-core religious types are more in fashion? The Mormons or the Mennonites?

– Dreaming of long dresses

Dear Dreaming,

This here is a tough question to answer. On the first day, God created Adam. After that, he created plants and animals. Soon after that were all of the other religions and their differing beliefs. This all helped to create the Boston Celtics. This was a little odd to watch, since there were no opponents, and the entire team was white. Needless to say, they weren’t very good. Years later, God created Jack Daniels to keep the Catholics from being too uptight. This allowed Gutenberg to invent movable type. Then it wasn’t long until the Choose Your Own Adventure Books were started.To see who is more fashionable turn to page 137.

– Diver

Dear Diver,

I’m not trying to criticize anyone’s work but after reading theTelegraph for sometime now, I have rarely found the “When Animalz Attack” comic humorous (and I consider myself to have a good sense of humor). It seems like every week the comic is just thrown together and it comes out pretty weak. Each week I ask someone what they think of the comic and don’t get many laughs. So now I am asking you, what are your thoughts on this usually “bear” comic? Am I the only one that feels this comic strip needs to be spiced up a little bit?

– Boston Mike

Dear B.M.,

The comic “When Animalz Attack” was created by individuals who worked very long and hard just to entertain you. My suggestion is for you to put down theTelegraph before you hurt yourself and go play a song by Wham on Guitar Hero.

– Diver

In this week's issue...

January 25, 2024
Bagging it

State plastic bag ban is in full effect, but enforcement varies

January 26, 2024
Paper chase

The Sneer is back – and no we’re not talking about Billy Idol’s comeback tour.

January 11, 2024
High and dry

New state climate report projects continued warming, declining streamflows