Divers: Britt and Kelly from Twilight Cafe, aka Team Twilight

Interesting Facts: Britt and Kelly are Dual-Team Mario-Kart Worldwide Champions and Wine Party Experts!

 

Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com, or by fax at 259-0448.

Dear Diver,

Halloween is my favorite holiday of the year, and as it is rapidly approaching, I find myself in need of original costume ideas. Preferably, I want something that is funny, will get me noticed and that will help me meet the ladies. So far, my best idea is to dress up as Chuck Norris, given that he is bad-ass and, in my experience, most women find him dead sexy. However, given the awesome power of Chuck Norris, I don’t know that I, a mere mortal, would be able to pay him appropriate homage. Suggestions?

- Thanks, Stuck on Chuck

Dear Stuck on Chuck,

Yes, Chuck Norris is immortal and you, being a mere mortal, would have difficulties living up to Chuck Norris standards. Seeing as he is just so damned sexy, you should think about being someone a little closer to your level. How about trying something like a tacky tourist. That’ll really get the ladies! You’ll get attention and, while it may not be sexy, what the hell, give it a try! Another suggestion we have in mind is the Joker from” The Dark Knight.” Practice the famous Joker laugh. You’d definitely get noticed by a large array of women. With all the attention, you’re bound to find one that likes you. Durango does, however, need a better class of criminal.

– Divers

Dear Diver,

I have a confession. I’ve been driving past car lots late at night. With cut-rate prices and zero percent financing on Fords and Chevys, I’m on the verge of pulling the trigger on a gas guzzler. What would the Diver do?

– Rob in Durango

Dear Rob,

What would we do? We would buy a Vespa! Accessorize it with a nice, warm, down jacket with a matching helmet and call it good! On a more serious note, buying a gas guzzler for dirt cheap and having to fill up a few extra times needs to be compared to paying more for a smaller car that’s more fuel efficient. With a gas guzzler, you will always have the excuse to tell your friends that you can’t take your car because it takes too much gas. Put fewer miles on your car and only pan out five bucks to take someone else’s car to the mountain. This leaves you with your car paid off faster and less miles on the new Ford or Chevy. And if you really do care about what we would do, keep it in the Ford family.

– Divers

Dear Diver,

I think I’ve finally been priced out of Durango. A mortgage is out of the question, rent is suddenly out of reach and most of my paycheck ends up at City Market. Where’s the next great (and inexpensive) place?

– On the move

Dear On the Move,

Move somewhere where the market is really down. You’ll get a good deal because no one can sell, and given five to 10 years, you’ll make a bundle. Go manage a hotel or apartment complex. Free housing! There’s a great place in Durango called Animas Cliffs Condos! They are brand new with amazing views. You get $7,500 off if you buy by the end of the month. As a first-time home buyer, Colorado offers RHA. They’ll help with down payments and get you somewhere that is affordable. Keep updated classifieds around. You never know when a great deal may pop up. And let’s be honest, it’s hard to compete with Durango. The mountain is close, the people are great, and it’s one of the most beautiful places to live.

– Divers

In this week's issue...

January 25, 2024
Bagging it

State plastic bag ban is in full effect, but enforcement varies

January 26, 2024
Paper chase

The Sneer is back – and no we’re not talking about Billy Idol’s comeback tour.

January 11, 2024
High and dry

New state climate report projects continued warming, declining streamflows