Dear Diver,

Early bird ski pass pricing has come and gone, and once again, I didn’t have enough cash to get a pass this year. I’m also too broke to buy a beacon and skins and don’t really want to work for the man this year. How can I get my fill of faceshots without having to sling burgers at Dante’s?

– S.K.I. Bum

Dear S.K.I. Bum,

To work or not to work, that is the question. In economic times like these, it is imperative to do what any red-blooded American would do – find a trust funder, strike a pose and start milkin’ it. You’ll still be workin’ for the man, so to speak, and you will be racking up some crappy karma but it beats grease burns while watchin’ everyone else enjoyin’ the powder days from behind the grill.

– Divers

P.S. Dudes and chicks that look bad in spandex should just give up and get a job.

Dear Diver,

Why is the zip code different in Bodo Park? Isn’t Durango still small enough to share the same five digits. I moved here to get away from long zip codes. What’s the deal? And what about all those cell phone prefixes . . .

– Nick the number guy

Dear Nick (The one who needs more to do in his life than worry about numbers guy), Hey, we didn’t even know they had their own zip code? Do they have their own language? Do you need a passport? How often do you write to the patrons of Bodo Park that you would need to use their zip code? If it’s that much of a hassle for you, we would suggest avoiding the area all together – pretend it’s a “Dead Zone.” Otherwise, we wouldn’t sweat it. Also, what’s a cell phone prefix? Do you put Mr. or Ms. before the number?

– Divers

Dear Diver,

The seasons are changing and I’m determined to keep my personal winter insulation to a minimum this year. Every time the snow flies, I manage to gain five to 10 pounds. The weight comes on in a week and takes three months to come off the next summer. Any suggestions for staying lean and mean through next May?

– Already getting hungry

Dear Hungry Already,

We feel ya, we’re always hungry.  We’d say don’t sweat five pounds; your body’s weight can fluctuate five pounds with one dookie. But if you’re that concerned about the pending insulation, get yourself a typical Durango hottie to take you skiing regularly – then after you hit the slopes, head back to his/her place to make some sweet lovin’, but don’t forget to use protection because you don’t want to make sweet babies. Then you’re certain to gain a lot more than just five to 10 lbs!

– Divers