Dear Diver,

Why, oh why, is a left turn legal out of any driveway anywhere onto Camino Del Rio? How am I supposed to text my kids, yell at my husband, flip off other drivers AND wait forever to make a left onto Camino? It’s just not right.

– Signed, Ain’t Got Time For That

Dear Ain’t,

First of all, it would seem that with your list of things you do when you drive that you’d welcome a bit of idle time behind the wheel by yourself to be the pain in the ass you probably are in public. The 60 to120 seconds extra that you have to wait to get back to your pointless tasks and listless existence will shorten the time the rest of us have to listen to the incessant high-pitched whine of your complaints about living one of the most privileged and leisurely lifestyles in the history of humankind. What’s the rush anyway? Time passes as it will, make the most of it.

– Signed, the other most important person in the universe.

Dear Diver,

My mother-in-law’s annual spring visit did not go as planned. While I was away at work, she completely redesigned the guest room she’s been staying in. We’re talking full-blown remodel – new paint, bedding, shelving and a giant, new armoire that’s now filled with many of her clothes and possessions. She also casually mentioned that she’d be coming back for an “extended stay” this summer. What should I do? How do I avoid permanent house guest syndrome?

– Hal in Hermosa

Dear Hal,

Buck up there, cowboy. You just got a room redone in your house without any effort from yourself, a live-in baby/pet sitter, another reason to spend time in the garage/yard, and for goodness sake, she’s family. If you would abandon family so quickly just because it cramps your style, what other dastardly deeds are you capable of? Remember that day you dressed up with all your family and all of your wife’s family and stood in front of all your friends and families and said those vow thingies? Yeah. Well part of that bargain is you now have two families for better or worse. So quit whining, welcome family with open arms and invite your parents for an “extended stay.” Also, walking around the house naked all the time might work to shorten the visit. Anyway, I have never been married so I’m just guessing, and you’re in the middle of it.

– Good luck, BB in a titanium tea bag

Dear Diver,

I know you’ve done a little time on the citizens’ side of the bar. What’s your recipe for the perfect margarita?

– Thirsty in Durango

Dear Thirsty, -1 salted pint glass -3-4 counts, tequila of choice -1 count Grand Marnier -top off with 1/2 sweet and sour, 1/2 lemonade -Shaken not stirred -Salt is optional(dependent on the shape and hardness of your arteries) -Slice of lime -Sunshine -Lots of friends or just one really good friend (wink wink, nudge nudge)

– Signed, What happened last night? All I remember is having three margs …