Diver:Ed of Bolster Design and Construction

Interesting facts:“You can watch CNN all day and not see one scrap of news. However, you do see lots of advertisements for defense and pharmaceutical companies.”

Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com, or by fax at 259-0448.

Dear Diver,

My wife and I have been a one-car family for 10 years. She works close to the house and commutes on her bike, and everything was rosy until this winter. Now she’s riding in the passenger seat and getting dropped off at work. We’re even entertaining notions of adding a second motor to the family. Plus, it looks like there’s more snow in the forecast and dealerships are offering favorable financing. What should we do?

– Doug in Durango

Dear Doug,

Doug, Doug. 10 years? Get that girl a ride! Anyone who has commuted on a bicycle for that long deserves to be in the driver’s seat. And it is so easy with the great financing these days. Spend money and save. Also, it’s the patriotic thing to do. Just think how you can help stimulate our economy through taxes, licensing, insurance, fuel and maintenance, to say nothing about those easy monthly payments. Go ahead. Splurge. Know your hard work and the hard work of your wife will contribute to a resounding rebound of the nation’s sad and sorry economy. Hey, a little debt’s a good thing. I suggest a BMW.

– Sincerely, The Diver

Dear Diver,

Is anyone out there still stoked on the snow? How much is too much?

-Sore, tired and cold in Hermosa

Dear Sore, Tired and Cold,

You are seeking sympathy from the wrong dude, dude. I am an unabashed native of California, with its huge snowfalls of thick, wet Sierra cement (how about 8 feet in 48 hours?) I assure you, we do not have too much snow. Not even close. Hell, I can still see my front door. So get some rest. Eat some more Ibuprofen. When the next blizzard blows in, grab your shovel, go right outside, face to the wind, feel the sobering sting of winter, and in the words of our great leader, scream out to the world, “Bring it on!”

– The Diver

P.S. Wait. Is that a robin?

Dear Diver,

One of my good friends is addicted to bacon. The dude pulls pork at least six days a week and even has favorite brands. The amazing thing is that the guy weighs about 150 pounds and doesn’t have an ounce of lard on his frame. How does he do it? I wouldn’t mind doing a little bacon blitz myself.

– Still struggling to keep it off

Dear Still,

Ah, now you’re getting personal. I love bacon and consume as much as my heart allows. Lean and mean that’s me. Actually, more like Eddy

Spaghetti, a long drink of water. 155 pounds, six-foot-three and shrinking. Yeah, skinny. You think I’m gonna give up all my secrets? Let’s just say you also can maintain a veritable heroin-chic figure. Here’s what you do: Get up at the crack of dawn and jumpstart the day with a good jolt of caffeine.

Eat lots of sugar and processed foods. More caffeine. Work your butt off. Repeat the next day. Go ahead, I say, bring home the bacon and eat it too. We all need a little meat with the bone once and awhile, know what I mean?

– Makin’ the Bacon, The Diver

In this week's issue...

August 16, 2019
Quick'n'Dirty

• Meetings explore homelessness
• City hosts tour of Roosa upgrades

August 16, 2019
Dirty talk

Conservation groups ask feds to put brakes on e-bikes on nonmotorized public lands

August 8, 2019
Step by step

Over the past several years, Colorado’s elected leaders have tried to tackle the rising cost of healthcare.