Diver: David from Nature’s Oasis

Interesting facts: David has no interesting facts, nor finteresting acts.

 

Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com, or by fax at 259-0448.

Dear Diver,

Why is everyone always poking fun at carnival workers, or carnies, as the Durango Telegraph put it last week? I worked with the Lowery Carnival Co. in Louisiana for six years and had great times with great folks. These people are hard workers and often have families and interesting hobbies. What’s the problem?

– Dale in Durango

Dear Dale,

The key word here is “often,” Dale. Yes, carnies may OFTEN have families and interesting hobbies, but they also may OFTEN have pending warrants and a nasty crank habit. And what’s funnier than a nasty crank habit? Carnies, that’s what.

– Diver

Dear Diver,

What’s up with all the women in this town wanting to go see “Sex and the City?” It’s just a stupid TV show/movie about catty chicks who are oversexed. Do all Durango women secretly want to live in the big city and wear $1,500 shoes that they can’t even walk in?

– Iron Man

Hello Iron Man,

News flash:  Women love “Sex and the City.” And yes, all Durango women secretly want to be oversexed Manhattan socialites. Wouldn’t you, if you were stuck in a small, isolated mountain town, outnumbered 10 to one by guys whose only passion in life is the sport of the season and pounding beers in Durango’s shallow nightlife scene? Having lived and dated in Brooklyn, I can tell you that it may be good for Durango women to learn a thing or two from those 40-something cougars. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you, my friend, the dating scene in this town is already too much like that of “My So Called Life.” To tell you the truth, I secretly want to be Mr. Big, although I’m not sure if he made it to the big screen version.

– Diver

Dear Diver,

Summer party season returned a couple of weekends ago, and my liver is woefully out of shape. After three nights of moderate drinking, I nearly went to the ER from chronic dehydration. So two questions. First, what’s the best way to return to my peak party form? Second, how can I best deal with the morning after that shows all too often.

– Thirsty for more

Dear Thirsty,

Well, I have no advice for your first question. Heavy drinking is the only way that I can make it through the winter here, so my liver is in tip-top shape by the time my flip-flops wedge themselves between my toes. You should have thought about this in February. For your second question, try putting a pillow over his/her head.

– Cheers, Diver

In this week's issue...

June 13, 2019
Haven't got time for the pain

In the words of the great Salt-N-Pepa, let’s talk about sex (baby.) There, we said it.

June 13, 2019
Scoping begins on Silverton travel plan

The plan to bring more singletrack to Silverton is rolling forward. Last week, the Bureau of Land Management announced the beginning of a 30-day public scoping period on its proposed Silverton Area Travel Management Plan.

June 10, 2019
2019 Hardrock taps out

Snow, avi debris, high flows force cancellation