Dear Diver,

Why are the drivers of huge, white pickups the biggest jerks on the road? What makes people with V-8 engines so angry?

– On the Shoulder

Dear On the Shoulder,

What most people don’t realize is that huge white pickups are now built without turn signals; they’re also engineered in a manner that makes the driver unable to see a vehicle in the rear-view mirror. These vehicles are most often operated by 90-pound women who just moved up from Toyota Celicas. They’re like black labs that think their bodies end directly behind their ears. If the truck has a blaze orange gas field flag, use even more caution. They get their gas cheap and aren’t afraid to use it. You would get irritated as well if every time you touched your accelerator it cost you $2.50.

–Diver

Dear Diver,

What’s the proper line etiquette in establishments (especially liquor stores) with more than one cash register. How should I handle “line rage” if I happen to lap another customer who was there before me?

– Miss E.

Dear E.,

He with the greatest thirst wins, there’s no rule book here folks, be confident and tell the raging slow poke how it is! Go ahead and straight arm anyone who attempts to use YOUR line. A little white lie never hurt anyone by the way (at least not in a liquor store). Tell the guy in front of you that the register on the left is only for pesos.

– Diver

Dear Diver

I was recently invited to my first baby shower. Can you recommend any fun games to ease the boredom? Also, is it taboo to show up with a little alcohol in the tank, even though the guest of honor is on a 9-month wagon?

– Still Single in Durango

Still Single,

Of course it’s OK to come to the party with “a little gas in the tank.”

In fact, you should show up completely plowed. You’re looking for double vision here, the other guests will have a fine time being entertained by you! Of course you don’t have to show up plowed, or even drunk for that matter, in which case Mexican train with double 15 dominoes is always a winner.

– Diver