Diver:Shawn Fergusson of the Diamond Belle Saloon

Interesting facts:At the Diamond Belle, we’re always treating the curse of the drinking class …work.


Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com, or by fax at 259-0448.

Dear Diver

I am finding it difficult to stick to the “don’t date your friend’s ex-boyfriends” rule. There don’t seem to be any men around that at least one of my friends hasn’t dated. (Maybe I have too many girlfriends, or they’ve had too many boyfriends?) Anyway, I mentioned this at a Christmas party last week and was informed that here in Durango we just switch partners every now and then. The old rule of not dating your friend’s ex does not apply due to supply and demand. Is this true? And if so, does the cycle ever come full circle?  Will I be forced to date my own failed attempts?

– Dating Dilemma

Dear Double D,

Yes, yes and yes, make like a bicycle and get around town.

– Diver  

Dear Diver,

I’m torn. What should my New Year’s resolution be? I’m a slightly overweight, partially employed, borderline alcoholic

who smokes socially. But I really don’t think any of those things are that big a deal in Durango. Any ideas for a sweeping change I could make? I’m really feeling it this year.

– Gettin’ by on the South Side.

Dear South Side,

Stop using your free time for tomfoolery and hooliganism and make something of yourself. Give the old boot straps a pull! Stand up straight! Tuck in that shirt! Give your hair a comb! In fact, give it some scissors … and grab a broom and sweep your neighbor’s walk! (Pretty good, huh, I’ve got a great career as a motivational speaker, just waiting to take off.)

– Diver  

Dear Diver,

I’ve got a mid-winter Cancun beach vacation planned. Do you have any witty suggestions for avoiding the trauma of “bikini shock” once our plane touches down? What can I do to make my husband’s trip a memorable one?

– Feeling pasty

Dear Pasty,

Become a French mistress or German haus frau and go au natural. You won’t have to worry about, “bikini shock” when you’re not wearing one.

– Diver

In this week's issue...

January 25, 2024
Bagging it

State plastic bag ban is in full effect, but enforcement varies

January 26, 2024
Paper chase

The Sneer is back – and no we’re not talking about Billy Idol’s comeback tour.

January 11, 2024
High and dry

New state climate report projects continued warming, declining streamflows