Diver: Andrea from Poppy’s and Corbin from Nini’s

Interesting facts:Bulls and Flowers make good lovers


Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com, or by fax at 259-0448.

Dear Diver,

My wife and I recently got Amwayed by a couple we thought were our good friends. The two asked us to come over and “hang out” but then launched into a sales spiel for some sort of pyramid scheme. Call me crazy, but doesn’t bringing sales into a friendship tarnish things a bit? How do you suggest we get even?

– Doug and Donna , via e-mail

Dear Doug and Donna,

It is true that mixing sales and friendship can make things complicated, but look at the bright side – your friends may think that you have lots of money. But they may also be telling you that your house needs a good cleaning. So here is what you do – have a small get-together at your house and invite you supposed “friends.” After an hour or so (and a couple adult beverages) inform your “friends” that they are at a swingers party and tell them that you’re swapping spouses for the night. That should scare them quite a bit, or it could backfire and the night will really become awkward.

– Divers

Dear Diver,

People keep talking about what a good summer businesses are having and how it could be a record tourism year. My question is: What happens to all the loot? Why isn’t any of this record haul trickling into my paycheck? It would be helpful especially since my landlord just raised the rent.

– Disgruntled in Durango

Dear Disgruntled Durangoan,

We all know that living in a small tourist town like Durango definitely has its ups and downs. But it could be worse: Your license plate could be yellow or have a big blue star on it. In regards to your first question –  let’s hope that the loot is given to the brave souls whose job it is to pick up trash and newspaper stands on Main in the wee hours of the morning, while the rest of us are sound asleep, or possibly still partyin’ somewhere else. As for your second question – it sounds like you may have chosen the wrong place of employment. Fortunately, our bosses (who will remain unnamed) reward their employees with lavish parties and luxurious gifts.

– Divers

Dear Diver,

I found a large bag of marijuana in front of a local eatery last week. What is the correct protocol for dealing with such a matter? Is it bad karma to keep the green all for myself? Can I even safely use it without fear of “additives?” I’m just not sure I’m comfortable going to the cops with it. Please help.

– Deeply Anonymous

Dear Deeply Anonymous,

Sounds like we have the old finders-keepers dilemma. First of all, we’re not even going to address the part about turning it over to the Durango PD. Everyone knows what they will do with it …or do we? We think you are looking at this the wrong way. Don’t think of this as bad karma – think of this as your reward for all the good karma you have spread (i.e. tipping at your local restaurant/bar). If you are worried about the “additives” issue, have someone test it out. Everyone has that college buddy who will smoke damned near anything. Besides who uses “additives” in the greenery in Durango? We’re all natural brostaff. Is this you, Saddington??

– Divers

In this week's issue...

January 25, 2024
Bagging it

State plastic bag ban is in full effect, but enforcement varies

January 26, 2024
Paper chase

The Sneer is back – and no we’re not talking about Billy Idol’s comeback tour.

January 11, 2024
High and dry

New state climate report projects continued warming, declining streamflows