Diver:  Sue from MyDurango.net

Interesting facts: Sue won the grand prize – a Ska/Venture snowboard – at last year’s Snowdown and is soliciting offers from snowboard instructors


Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -556 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com, or by fax at 259-0448.

Dear Diver,

I am new to Durango, and for the sake of getting an answer, will tell you that I am a young, fun, good lookin’ gal. Myself and fellow newcomers need to know: What does a girl gotta do in Durango in order for the fellas to walk up and say, “Hi, wanna get a beer/ a latte/(insert dirty thoughts here)?” Sure, whistles and stares are good for the ego, but they don’t keep you warm at night. One theory I’ve heard is that the dating pool is so small that guys don’t need to go fish – something always jumps in the boat. Please give me some insight into the Durango man-tality! (Don’t worry, I don’t normally make such bad jokes. That’s probably not the problem!)

– R.B., via e-mail

Dear RB:

Well. Young, fun, good looking. Not to be bitchy here, but maybe, just maybe your attitude is the problem. REAL Durango men aren’t trolling the sidewalks around town looking for young, fun and good looking anything. They’re busting ass on the trails or rock climbing, snowboarding, skiing, goat roping, branding cattle, you know, LIVING and WORKING. The fish analogy makes me think you’re sitting on the sidewalk midway between a coffee shop and a bar with your lower lip out just waiting to be snagged. Ain’t gonna happen, sweetie. I have an idea. Don’t worry about how you look. (A few years in the sun here will change all that anyway.) My suggestion would be: Step away from the mirror! Stop doing your nails and hit the trails!

– Sincerely, The Diver

Dear Diver,

Why is it that there are never enough check-out clerks at any of Durango’s department/grocery stores? It never fails. I go to get in line, and I’m stuck behind at least three other shoppers. I’m pretty sure we’re not talking about labor shortages. What’s the real deal?

– Losing patience in La Plata County

Dear Losing:

I would have to assume (and you know how dangerous that is) that you are not a business owner or employer, nor are you forced to live on what the average paycheck is around here. Neither do you routinely peruse the “Help Wanted” ads, which at times actually outnumber the “Real Estate for Sale” ads. See, the economy is very strange here. Everything is high priced, and the wages don’t come close to closing the gap. So those clerks you’re complaining about? They’re probably holding down at least two jobs, neither of which is enough to pay the rent or car payment. Trust me, they’re just as thrilled to see you as you are to be there. Which is … NOT. So have a little compassion. Crack a joke or a smile for the poor beleaguered clerks, let them know you at least care that they have a sucky job that not many people are willing to do. Maybe start a support group. Bond with them. Make them feel special instead of not good enough. If they weren’t there, you’d probably have to deal with door-to-door salesmen or automated checkouts. And, we all know how much fun they are....not.

– Sincerely, The Diver

Dear Diver,

I live in downtown Durango and have noticed that random cars keep appearing in front of our house. I’ve never seen the owners, but the cars just kind of mysteriously show up and live in the same spot for weeks, sometimes months, at a time. It’s not a huge deal, just kind of strange. Any suggestions?

– Fred

Dear Fred:

Evidently you haven’t heard the latest “Affordable Housing in Durango” scuttlebutt. Those same cars that appear in front of your house? Have you ever inspected just what or who is in them? Perhaps it’s the latest in modular housing. Ever hear of mobile homes? These are just a little more on the mobile side, like AUTOmobile. Those cars are a flexible alternative to brick and mortar homes. It’s just nice that you allow them to use your parking spaces without too much hassle. Of course if you wanted to inspect a little further, you just may find the residents of these portable abodes are the poor lowly underpaid clerks who can only land ONE job, because some guy was ticked off enough being third or fourth in line and raised enough of a ruckus to get them fired. I’m just sayin’... .

– Sincerely, The Diver