Diver:John K. From Cyberspace  Interesting facts:John deals out quantamafinitic advice to the tune of a keyboard


Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com, or by fax at 259-0448.

Dear Diver,    

Why has airline travel become more and more expensive and less and less convenient? As anyone who’s flown in the last couple years can tell you, it’s a real pain in the ass up in those friendly skies. There’s no customer service. They don’t care about you. It’s guaranteed that at least one of your flights will be delayed. What’s the point?

– Susan Jones, via snail mail


So, you too have seen the dark side of commercial human transport. I tell you, they keep cramming us in those tin foil tubes and send us hurtling at 800 mph toward our destination. And I’m no hypocrite. I’ve flown a bunch of times, so maybe my two cents might make a difference. So basically if we decide to fly, and really that’s the great freedom of this country, we can put up with the rigorous baggage boot camp line conforming airlines, or we can take another form of mobility. (Warp 9 Spock).

– Diver

Dear Diver,    

What’s that new square-shaped structure on the ridgeline overlooking town? I’ve been out of town for a few months and couldn’t believe my eyes. Are the scientologists building a local church or something? How did that project get through the local planning process?

– Ralph Estes, via e-mail

Dear Mr. Estes,    

I’m afraid that it’s just as sinister, if not more. Yes, that’s right, I’m talking about that dreaded (to most) five-lettered word that starts with “C” and ends with “O.” And no it’s not a misspelling. And just as you, my eyes did not deceive me as the walls of “progress” rose. As for the project getting through, I’m no planning expert, but I’ll pretend to be one. I say maybe the little known “black ridge project” slipped through like some counterfeit bill at an Arby’s “restaurant.”

– Diver

Dear Diver,  

What’s wrong with global warming, anyway? We didn’t retire in Durango to shovel snow, and I think a little more warmth and sunshine and shorter winters would be welcome around here. I say send the higher temps. Who’s with me?

– Joseph in Durango

Dear Joseph,    

Yea! Let’s have some more sunshine, I heard through the grapevine that we found another planet that may be suitable for human plundering. Just keep waiting, and you’ll maybe get your increase in warmth and no winters. And then, it’s ZING, BOOM, straight to OMICRONPERSEI-8!

– Diver

In this week's issue...

January 25, 2024
Bagging it

State plastic bag ban is in full effect, but enforcement varies

January 26, 2024
Paper chase

The Sneer is back – and no we’re not talking about Billy Idol’s comeback tour.

January 11, 2024
High and dry

New state climate report projects continued warming, declining streamflows