Dear Dirty Diver,

I believe the Bush administration has managed to illustrate and prove that sexual frustration has had direct, negative effects on our country. Now that the national debt has reached another all-time high, for the fifth year in a row (President Bill Clinton balanced the budget to 0 – FYI), I ask you, the Diver, this: Is it time to bring President Bill Clinton back to the Oval Office with more Monicas?

– Rodney Steel, aka Remmington

Dear Rods of Steel,

I agree with your statement about sexual frustration and negative effects on our country. If you are implying that a president who gets some as opposed to one who doesn’t is affecting our country, I still agree with you. Our national debt is high from things like the Bush adm. investing money into the FCC, which tries to cover up Janet Jackson’s nipple and Paris Hilton’s very private Bush adm. Just for example. Since that statement has absolutely nothing to do with your actual question, I will move on. I think it’s about time to make a change. Let’s drop Bush and Dick and make room for Obama or Hilary. Someone who we at least think might be getting some action. Let’s open up the Oval Office for a NEW administration. Someone told me the only bush I could ever trust was my own. I mean, I broke cherry for Kerry. Cant wait, 2008!

- Diver

Dear Diver,

So I’m out at the bar the other night, having a good time with my wife, and run into an acquaintance. The guy has obviously been at it for many hours, is slurring his words and starts commenting on how attractive my spouse is. Before long, everyone’s uncomfortable, my wife’s looking at me like “who is this a-hole,” and we finally have to leave. Should I have handled the situation differently?

– Bruce, Animas City

Dear Bruce,

Was this acquaintance of yours also driving a blue Jetta near Brown’s shoe store late night, by chance? Anyway, to answer your question, I think you did the right thing by walking away. However, since the guy was only an acquaintance, you could have kicked the a-hole right in the junk, walked away, never felt bad and possibly saved the shoe store’s window. Either way, I hope you went home and showed your spouse a less uncomfortable time.

– Diver

Dear Diver,

Why do people pretend like Durango is a ski town? Having lived in several ski resort towns, I know I didn’t move here for the skiing. But apparently some did. Just as the singletrack is drying out and the river is starting to run, people are complaining about the absence of snow at the resort. Durango is a river and bike town. Why do so many of us miss the point?

– Rusty 

Dear Rusty,

First of all the only people who are “pretending” Durango is a ski town this time of year are the Texan tourists skiing in knee-length jean shorts. Some have fanny packs. Yikes. There is still great skiing in the area. Get off your butt, hike and find it! Who’s complaining about the absent snow? I am excited for spring, tubing and my favorite day of the year... The Taste of Durango! Or maybe just the season that allows us all to eat, drink and make bad decisions right on main street. The point that YOU are missing, Rusty, is that where else can you ski, play on the river and ride on singletrack all in the same weekend? Stop complaining and stop growth! Love Durango.

– Diver