Dear Diver,

Now that the gasoline craze is sweeping Durango and the nation, I’ve got a bone to pick. There’s a certain gas station on North Main (let’s just say it’s without any peers) that’s always the cheapest in town. People line up, cram in, create traffic jams on Main and cause a generally dangerous situation. Here’s my beef – the gas at said station is one cent cheaper per gallon than other stations in town. All that chaos is for a meager 10 to 20 cents in cost savings. What should we do?

-Conoco Charlie

Well Charlie,

It appears to me that maybe Durango isn’t quite the biking community that it was all cracked up to be. I say let the backed-up gas guzzlers get rear-ended! As for what you should do, set up a lemonade stand. You would probably make a mint especially if you added some fresh sprigs into the mix.

– Diver

Dear Diver,

What’s the proper protocol for house guests? My wife and I get them all summer. We also occasionally crash on other people’s couches and always go out of our way to supply beer and take our gracious hosts out to dinner. The problem is, that’s not the way it works with our guests. What’s the best way to suggest my guests should at least replenish the beer they drink during their visit.

-Feeling generous in Durango

Dear F.G.D.,

We live in an amazing place, and I know that we, too, have been inundated with house guests over the years. We remedied our own beer dilemma by each morning getting up and singing 100 bottles of beer on the wall while we cook breakfast for our visiting visitors. We also created a houseguest beer can collection with a neon sign above it asking for donations to the cause. Subliminal messages also work, when your guests leave to go for a hike, make sure to tell them “be careful, there are a lot of bears out there.” Your generosity will be rewarded. Cheers to beer!

– Diver

Dear Diver,

My wife has a serious addiction. She cannot walk or drive past a plant nursery without getting sucked into buying something. Practically every other day, she comes home with another hatchback full of vegetation for the yard, telling me it is impossible for her to resist something once she has picked it up. Only problem is, we have nowhere near enough time to plant the stuff and it ends up sitting in the yard still in its buckets. Please help me before our yard is overtaken by green plastic containers and her green thumb puts us in the red.

-Married to a plantaholic, Durango

Dear Herb,

Oh do I know, I have a lot of little friends sitting in green baskets all over my lawn. I keep waiting for my husband to pour me a glass of wine and plant them for me, but then there is the risk of being married to an alcoholic rather than a plantaholic. It is important to get those little plant friends in the ground, but until that happens, they can be arranged into a great croquet course. Have a great summer and don’t forget to enjoy the beauty even in the bucket.

– Diver