Diver: 2 Legit Logan Austin from Carvers

Interesting facts: Logan is a barman extraordinaire, priest by day and Mexican luchador by night


Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com, or by fax at 259-0448.

Dear Diver,

Where do our tourists come from? I know that Telluride’s popular with New Yorkers, Aspen is a draw for the West Coast, and L.A. likes Vail and Beaver Creek. Where are our noble visitors from? It seems like there’s a little Texas, a little Okhlahoma and lot of New Mexico. Am I right?

– Still waiting (tables) in Durango

Dear Waiting Tables in Durango,

You pose a tough, but fair, question.Your inquiry reminds me of another question I was presented with just the other day. The inquisitor was one of these strange, wild-eyed beings you are looking to understand. The man leaned in close, his eyes filled with curiosity, and asked, “At what elevation do the deer turn into elk?” Silly fool, I replied, any moron with a pea for a brain can tell you it’s the season that triggers one of nature’s greatest metamorphisms. But don’t take my word. This fall during the harvest moon, ride to the mountaintops – preferably in an overly built Jeep at a speed that will infuriate drivers behind you, all the while flinging lit cigarettes and beer cans out the window. Find a herd of mule deer and wait for the magic to happen. Some say the spectacle is even more impressive than the great migration of the monarch butterfly, which brings us full circle. Yes, “tourist season is in full swing,” and yes, the majority of these travelers hail from OK, TX, NM and AZ. But don’t let the wording fool you, “tourist season” doesn’t mean we get to hunt them down and shoot them. No, the only reward handed out for bagging a nice-sized, paint-caked heifer from Texas is a stiff jail sentence. I can see it now, you standing before the judge, “But your honor you should’ve seen the make-up …not to mention the fact that she kept ordering Coouurs Light in a microbrewery.” A good excuse and more than enough reason in my book, but the law is the law, just ask Scooter Libby. Better yet, ask the D.A. from New Mexico. You can find him serving up doughnuts at the Krispy Cream on Central in ABQ. In closing, I suggest you be patient when dealing with these strange people and always take their money with a smile. See you for the next harvest moon and remember, always check the barrel!

– Sincerely, 2LA

Dear Diver,

Tell me if I’m wrong, but it seems that hip hop shows are beginning to take over the Durango music scene. Bluegrass dominated the stage here for years. My question is, which music rules Durango and is it possible for one type of music genre to be better than another?

– Mac in Hermosa

Dear Mac,    

I’ll start with the latter of your two-part question. Yes, it is definitely possible for one music genre to be better than another. For example, bluegrass SUCKS! Big time. Let’s face it, music without percussion is like sex without foreplay. Sure there’s a whole bunch of notes and maybe even a catchy melody. Yet something very crucial is missing, leaving the listener caught between mild enjoyment and total disappointment. But hey, don’t take my word for it. Just ask your girlfriend how she feels the next time the two of you sit down and listen to some music without percussion. Now this isn’t to say that hip hop and rap are without their flaws. Ever listen to Lil’ John?

Yet with all its flaws, hip hop makes up for this in two words: booty shaking. Mac, ol’ buddy, I don’t know about you, but for me if it came down to being stuck at a bad bluegrass show or a bad hip hop show, I’d much rather be in a crowd with cute girls who smell nice grinding my leg than caught in a patchouli smellin,’ nappy-headed crowd of hippies doing the twitchy shake. The thought alone makes one’s blood curdle.

To answer the other part of your question, bluegrass doesn’t rule Durango any more because hippies don’t rule Durango any more. Look around. The bums lost, and now a new generation has come to take over the roost – a new breed of with Hummers with Free Tibet bumper stickers and Ipods filled to the brim with Lil’ John. Your generation is over, Mac. Selah, at least I no longer have to listen to some twanging hillbilly whine cause he has no job and his woman left. All because he never learned how to include percussion.

– In closing I remain “Hating Bluegrass for all Eternity,” 2LA

In this week's issue...

January 25, 2024
Bagging it

State plastic bag ban is in full effect, but enforcement varies

January 26, 2024
Paper chase

The Sneer is back – and no we’re not talking about Billy Idol’s comeback tour.

January 11, 2024
High and dry

New state climate report projects continued warming, declining streamflows