Diver,

What’s up with people who have multiple wives? It’s pretty piggish for the men, but are the women really that stupid? I thought women had moved beyond just being complacent and silent, accepting the fact that the man runs the house and he can do what he wants. And how do they deal with the scenario that the man has two houses, three wives and rotates whom he sleeps with? Very confusing indeed. Is it all justified by some belief in God?

– Mac

Dear Mac,

I don’t think God has anything to do with a man having multiple wives. I think it’s a big ego on the man’s part, and he wants to have his cake and eat it, too. But there can be a positive side to the situation, for the woman as well. Rumor has it that sex slows down, and even stops after marriage. If one “sister wife” has a headache on her night or just plain doesn’t want to be bothered, she can pass hubbie off on another “sister wife.” She also will have the house to herself at certain times, free to do what she wants, not cooking or cleaning up after her piggish man. What wife wants their husband around all the time anyway? And having the bed all to yourself some nights is heavenly. What might appear as a woman being complacent and stupid could really mean that she is smarter than the rest of us.

– With regards from Utah, Diver

Diver,

Did you realize that in Virginia, just before they celebrate Martin Luther King Day, they have a day that honors Robert E. Lee? Both days are legal holidays. Does this make sense to you? They tell the kids it’s OK to honor someone who wanted to keep the Southern way of slavery and honor MLK? What is wrong here?

– Jackie

Jackie,

We all realize that Virginia is well, Virginia. We also know that Robert E. Lee didn’t get his way, and luckily this is one holiday that goes no farther than Virginia. Personally as much good as MLK did, I don’t see why we can’t honor my mother on this day because it’s her birthday. MLK walked toward equality and peace, but Verna G. gave birth to moi. Forget Robert E. Lee, and break out the barbeques (woops, it’s winter) and liquid libations in honor of my mom! Throw in some kudos for Dr. MLK as well. Why can’t we all just get along?

– Diver

Dear Diver,

How do I keep my husband from doing stupid, embarrassing things, like walking around showing plumber’s crack all day? It’s not funny when we are out at dinner, he bends over, and people point, look, laugh and seem disgusted.

– Sharon

Dear Sharon,

As embarrassing as plumber’s crack may be, you can always learn to embrace it. Instead of condemning it, utilize it to your advantage. While out in public, be it a restaurant or store, use that gap in his pants as a place to keep spare change, car keys, pens or pencils, maybe even your hairbrush. You won’t even need to carry your purse! If that doesn’t tickle your fancy (or his) try and draw even more attention to “Dances With Buttcracks’” exposed crack and stick a flag or plunger down there. My personal favorite is to draw a bullseye or smiley face around the “open area” so that appalled or amused fellow restaurant patrons can pelt him with the food they can’t finish eating because of his plumber’s crack. Last but not least, you can always install a “butt crack cam” so that he can view for himself the reactions of others. By the way, has he ever thought of suspenders? Remember, just say no to crack!

– Diver