Dear Diver,

I was introduced to www.youtube.com not long ago, and I think I’m in love. Do you agree that YouTube is better than television? It preserves everything there was to like about TV, like “Land of the Lost” and “Small Wonder”....and oh so much more. What do you think?

– Jimmy

Dear Jimmy,

You are doomed. When you start to replace human interaction with depraved programs like youtube, myspace, facebook and neopets, you can be pretty sure there is not hope. Your situation can be compared to the hopeless individuals who spend hours on end rating the physical appearance of similarly hopeless people on hotornot.com (you know who you are). Do you really have nothing better to do with your time?! To be perfectly honest we find nothing positive about youtube or television and the fact that you are “in love” with such a shallow entity makes us very sad pandas.

– Sadly signed, The Divers

Dear Diver,

A friend of mine got married a couple of months ago and doesn’t seem happy. How long does she have before an annulment becomes a full-blown divorce? Even though we used to date, my intentions are truly honorable. I just want what’s best for her.

– Curious Carl

Carl,

First of all, we would like to point out that annulment is the process by which a court states that a marriage never legally existed. Time does not play a factor in determining annulment from divorce, they are two different things. In addition, your intentions seem questionable. Before you decide to broadcast your friend’s personal life in a novelty advice column, perhaps you should discuss the situation with your friend and determine how she really feels. Not to mention that “Ask the Diver” probably isn’t your best resource for any sort of relationship advice; what were you thinking, perhaps you should ask Dr. Phil.

– Time to move on, Divers

Dear Diver,

What’s the polite way to cut off a long-winded conversation when you’re in a hurry? Maybe they’re lonely, maybe they’re energy vampires, but some people just seem starved for conversation. Others just don’t know when to shut up. What’s your secret strategy for a clean exit route?

– Rhonda

Rhonda,

When we are faced with such a situation, we usually turn our blenders on high and try to tune them out. Unfortunately, not all people have the luxury of a blender at their constant disposal. If this is the case, just try to smile and nod until you can’t stand it anymore. If in the event you do get pushed over the edge, kick the deranged chatter box in the shins as hard as you can and book it in the other direction. Chances are this person will not bore you with any long-winded conversation again. However, if you are not the violent sort, you can always take the route of a false seizure.

– Blah blah, Your loving Divers