Diver:Andy Robinson (aka Muffin) from the Palace

Interesting facts:Andy didn’t get a body like his from eating fish


Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com, or by fax at 259-0448.

Dear Diver,

Every time I drive past Chapman Hill, someone is filling up a huge tank with water. I assumed it’s an agriculture situation, but then the other day, I saw a guy filling up buckets. What’s going on here? Is the water free? If so, how do I get some? I’d love to cut back on my utility bills.

– Thirsty in Durango

Dear Thirsty,

So here’s the down-low on the watering hole. Being a frequent user of the Chapman Hill facilities, I have heard through the grapevine that the water which comes out of the hose is made up of the excess ice shavings from the skating rink and overflow from the FLC dorms. So, if you don’t mind blood, sweat, a random tooth, and whatever comes down the hill from the college, have at it, I guess the price is right.  

– Diver

Dear Diver,

I’m an average sized dude (6 foot, 175 pounds) but somehow I consistently find myself between sizes when it comes to clothes. Medium always seems a bit tight, while large feels hip-hop baggy. Also, it seems like large is only getting larger to accommodate the ever swelling American body. So what do you think, should I go with shrink wrap or climb inside the tent?

– Name withheld

Dear Withheld,

I hear exactly where you are coming from, being 5 foot 6 inches tall and weighing in around 190 pounds, I run into this size constraint all the time. So here’s what I do, in the morning I finesse on the medium which makes me feel like I’m back in my glory days. In the afternoon and evening, I après the day by sliding into the large. But, here is the catch with large shirts: Depending on the fit of the shirt I will either wash it on hot or cold water. It’s nice to know I can adapt my overeating with a simple washing machine. Another option is to rip the sleeves off (macho sizing), and then it doesn’t matter what size the shirt is.  

– Diver

Dear Diver,

It seems like the plummeting stock market is all anyone’s talking about these days. But it also seems like it’s pretty safe in Durango. There still seem to be plenty of lumpy tourists walking around town. Contractors are still building houses like crazy. New SUVs are rolling off the lot at serious clip. Have they all missed the news that the economy’s going in the tank? Or is really not that big a deal?

– Curious Cal

Dear Cal,

I also keep and eye on the stock market and guess what, it’s not a big deal. If you follow my lead you will be rich, quick. This is what I did during the recession: I stopped spending immediately and hitch-hiked to Blockbuster. I went and rented “Wall Street,” “Risky Business” and “Trading Places.” If these three movies don’t give you a hint on how to make money at least you watched a couple of 80’s classics.  

– Diver

In this week's issue...

January 25, 2024
Bagging it

State plastic bag ban is in full effect, but enforcement varies

January 26, 2024
Paper chase

The Sneer is back – and no we’re not talking about Billy Idol’s comeback tour.

January 11, 2024
High and dry

New state climate report projects continued warming, declining streamflows