Diver:Chad Cheeney from the Durango Cyclery

Interesting facts: Chad keeps it real by slinging Tri-Flow to keep Durango greased and happy.

 

Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com, or by fax at 259-0448.

Dear Diver

Is it possible to subsist exclusively on Clif Bars? The label claims that they are loaded with nutrients, they’re pretty tasty and at a buck apiece, I could finally start socking away cash for a home payment. What do you think? Will I live?

– Hermosa Hal

Hey Hermosa Hal,

Sounds like you’ve been thinkin. Cliff Bars for life man, are you ready  for that? Of course you could live off the bar, but why? Cliff Bars are for the birds. This sounds like one of those silly little games we play as kids where we wonder what food you would eat for the rest of your life if you had to. Avocados are the answer to the question.

– Diver

Dear Diver,

I finally made it and have a downtown parking spot, but it’s not all roses. Workers from adjacent businesses constantly steal it. When they don’t the chumps pull in behind me and park me in. Tell me Diver, is it time to get the tow-truck involved?

Double-parked in Durango

Dear Driver,

Ride your bike. Drive your unnecessary car or truck and park it as soon as you enter the city. Pull your bike out of the rig and ride to your job. It

would be so easy for you to pull off. Screw the angry workers who snag your spot. You will be so happy with the wind blowing in your hair, work might even be forgotten. Just remember that automobiles are never the answer to any problem.

– Cheeney

Dear Diver,

I’m starting up a business and need to get a website up and running. The thing is, I contacted several local web designers and they want between $6,500 and $8,000. Can’t you pick up $30 software

at Petersons and do this kind of thing yourself? Don’t the local internet monkeys know that the dot-com craze is over?

– Rickie

Hey Rickie,

Sounds like you better saddle up, ride to Petersons and get to work. Of course you can do it yourself. Bust it out. I would never consider the possibility of attempting the task myself. I really hate to use computers. So I would forget about the online world and go hang out around the neighborhood. All that stuff is fake.

– Diver

In this week's issue...

July 18, 2024
Rebuilding Craig

Agreement helps carve a path forward for town long dependent on coal

July 11, 2024
Reining it in

Amid rise in complaints, City embarks on renewed campaign to educate dog owners
 

July 11, 2024
Rolling retro

Vintage bikes get their day to shine with upcoming swap and sale