Dear Diver,

Please help me with a dilemma I am facing. It seems like everyone I know is – or is in the process of becoming – a massage therapist. While this is great for my physical health, it is wreaking havoc on my mental and emotional well being. If I go to one friend for a massage, I feel like I have to keep it secret from the other ones. I feel like I’m a guilty spouse having an affair but without all the perks. I suppose I could go to a stranger, but I want to help my friends out – you know, the whole “I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine” thing. Anyway, I thought massage was all about releasing stress but this has become one big pain in the neck.

– More sore than ever, Durango

Dear More Sore Than Ever,

It must be rough having a bunch of massage therapists as friends who always want to give you a massage. That would get on my nerves also. I suggest trying yoga in between your stressful massages, that way you will be all loosey goosey before your next stressful rub down.

– Diver

Dear Diver,

There is this guy who works in my office and wears more cologne than a cheap Vegas lounge singer convention. I’ve heard of a splash or two for a special occasion, but not marinating in the stuff. We need a gas mask whenever he comes within a 100-yard radius, and after he leaves, the stench lingers for hours. I don’t know if he’s trying to hide something or is just olfactorily deficient, but it is beginning to create serious health problems – stinging, red eyes, burning nostrils, headaches. How can I politely broach the subject before I go blind, deaf and dumb from the fumes?

– Drunk on Drakar

Dear Drunk on Drakar

Here is a sticky solution to a stinky problem. Try neutralizing the smell by putting a little peanut butter behind your ears. Instead of getting a headache from the stench of your co-worker, smell the delicious aroma of peanut butter all day long. It also makes for a great snack later in the day.

– Diver

Dear Diver,

Please settle a dispute I am having among my friends. The other day, I bought a lift ticket and after I walked away, I noticed they had given me two. Of course, like any good ski bum would do, I turned around and sold it for some cash. One friend says it’s stealing,  and I should have returned the ticket. However, I consider it a bonus from the universe for being such a hard-working stiff all these years. Another friend says it’s OK not to say something in instances when you are dealing with huge corporations who rip people off anyway, sort of the Robin Hood approach. But if it was a mom-and-pop operation or a small local business, then it’s not OK. Who’s right?

– Karma Karla 

Dear Karma Karla,

 It is easy to justify taking the money, by blaming it on big, evil corporations. While I agree that huge corporations rip people off, there are more efficient ways to protest against places like Wal-Mart and Target. You and everyone else in Durango should participate in “Buy Nothing Day.” Every November, for 24 hours, it is remembered that no one was born to shop.

– Diver