Dear Diver,

Why don’t the editors of this paper edit out Ted Holteen’s little sports rants or predictions? I thought this “indie” paper would leave stupid crap like professional sports alone. Save that for SI or other magazines that contain cologne ads and that other garbage. Leave it alone.

– Lonnie

Lonnie,

How bout we just insert the “bimbo in the Bahamas” in the 2-ounce swimsuit from the SI calendar to “slightly” cover the sports column, in each edition. However, you’d never get to first base, much less score.

– Enjoy that, Diver

Hey Diver,

Since the new law banning smoking in bars and restaurants, who do you think should be responsible for picking up all the cigarette butts on the sidewalks and streets outside where these establishments’ patrons congregate to slowly end their addicted existence on a social crutch? Obviously we can’t count on these “butt-heads” to do it; don’t try to dodge the question with that new age cop-out crap. So who should it be cleaning up this mess? (I know it is probably YOUR job but maybe you smoke something else out by the dumpsters.)Thanks, to you and the person who is reading this for you.

– Anon

Dear Players butt-head hater,

Maybe we can inspire some motivated “butt pickers” to clean up the cigarette butts in the streets by offering free mocha double lattes from the local coffee company of their choice. One addiction feeds the other and hey, if the cigarette butts haven’t been smoked all the way down, they’ll go great with that coffee. By the way, we restaurant folk prefer smoking up the hood vents or in the walk-in, not by the dumpster.

– Cough Cough, The Diver

Dear Diver,

Why does my one friend constantly chase his other friend’s ex-girlfriends? Somebody breaks up, and “Herman” moves in on the girls. Is it because all the leg-work of meeting these girls is already done? I mean, all these girls like him, so when they become single its like he’s already “in.” What are the ethics behind this? Do you think it’s OK?

– Jerry

Jerry,

I don’t know how unethical Herman’s actions are since girlfriend swapping was a common practice on Beverly Hills 90210. However, if this behavior really bothers you, have your other guy friends date and dump beautiful transvestites unbeknownst to Herman. He most likely will do plenty of legwork after this and his “in with the girls” will be gone.

– With regards from Trinidad, Colo., The Diver