Diver,

My wife is insisting I start taking Viagra. Obviously this makes me feel, well, inferior. Am I wrong for thinking this? Should I be embarrassed? What do you think?

– Mr. Premature

Mr. Premature,

I always say try something once. Give it a whorl. I am sure she would rather you feel inferior, than her feel … nothing.

– Diver

Hey Diver,

My friend has been watching my child for me two days a week. Well, my son (4 years old) is a biter, and he’s been biting my friend’s daughter. Never breaking skin, but biting every so often. Well, my friend asked my husband what she can do to discipline this kid, and my husband said “bite him back” and she did! I don’t feel safe with my son over there! What to do?

– Anon

Dear Momma Biter,

You could always drench your friend’s daughter in hot sauce to deter the biting.  Hopefully he doesn’t have some early disposition for liking Cholula. Or you could teach your son to kiss instead of biting. The two children could start a young romance and grow up to get married and live happily ever after. How sweet.

– Diver

Diver,

My boyfriend doesn’t like to kiss me. He claims my breath is bad. One time he forced himself to kiss me one night by squirting breath freshener spray in his mouth before each kiss. I asked old boyfriends their honest opinion, and they all cheerfully volunteered to kiss me if he won’t. Yes, I know I could probably do better, but I’m tired of dating, and he does sweet things no other man has, like washing, waxing and gassing up my car, and taking care of me when I’m sick. Still, I don’t want to go the rest of my life without being kissed.

– Lauren via e-mail

Lauren,

That is disgusting. I can’t believe he is still with you. Staying with someone who has bad enough breath you can’t kiss him or her is like staying with someone who is ugly. It doesn’t last. He does all those nice things so he doesn’t have to be around your stinky breath. Go to the doctor, there is help out there.

– Diver