Divers:Shawn from the Diamond Belle

Facts:Shawn has discovered the fountain of youth flowing in numerous Durango garages

Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com, or by fax at 259-0448.

Dear Diver,

My husband is having a mid-life crisis. He’s not going out and spending money on kid toys or Camaros, but I do feel like he’s trying to regain his youth. Excessive drinking (beer bongs even), partying in the garage with the college kids next door, bringing up old girlfriends, etc. Its kind of a bummer, he’s 38 years old! What do you recommend I do?

– Janet

Janet,

What the !@#?&*$#%* is wrong with you? The fountain of youth resides inside every one of us, and it seems that your husband has tapped into it! And you have the temerity to write into this pillar of advice getting down on him?! I should think that you would bask in the youthful glow and turn it to your own needs? (wink, wink) Oh, and by the way, if he’s hangin’ with the college kids in a garage, the bong of beer is not the only one being passed around.

– Diver

Diver,

How come when some people go out to see live music, all they do is stand at the bar and talk about other concerts they’ve seen? For example, my buddy
goes to Denver a lot to see “popular, flavor-of-the-week indie bands” and brags about going to see said band, then gets to the show and doesn’t even pay attention! What the hell is up with that?

– Pissed friend

Pissed friend,

It is one of the most common of human behaviors … by that I mean, loving the sound of your own voice. Everybody loves to tell stories of their triumphs, trials and tribulations. I remember this one time when a bunch of us were skiing this sick knife ridge and I dropped in first turn, caught an edge and somersaulted end over end over end over end for about 1,000 feet and came up onto my skis into this huge left hand GS tele turn haulin’ the mail … are you still reading?

– Diver

Dear Diver,

Durango is aggressive in its pedestrian right-of-way laws throughout town, and that’s all good. But I wonder, is it fair (legal?) for motorists waiting for a break in cross-traffic to use pedestrians in the adjacent cross walk as “blockers” in order to drive across? I’ve done this occasionally crossing East Second Avenue during the frenetic traffic chaos of mid-afternoon.

– Thanks, Drive-by

Dear Drive-by

Ah yes, the human shield. Does your run-of-the-mill global despot think about the moral, let alone legal intricacies of such a strategy? No, no, no they do what they want. Like you said, it’s traffic chaos, so use that gas pedal because “to the victor go the spoils” or is it “to the idiot go the unsafe driving tickets?”

– Diver

In this week's issue...

July 21, 2022
Wildlife success or deal with the devil?

Land swap approved in Southwest Colorado, but not without detractors

July 21, 2022
Tapping out

The latest strategy to save the San Luis Valley's shrinking aquifer: paying farmers not to farm

July 14, 2022
Hey, good environmental news

Despite SCOTUS ruling, San Juan Generating Station plans to shut down