Estrogen and careless smoking

by Lindsay Nelson

*Sniff*

Smell that? A musky, sweet, slightly fruity scent with light citrus notes? I thought so. It’s the olfactory manifestation of the hormone estrogen. Ladies have more of it than guys do. It’s potent stuff, and its power is sweeping the nation.

For the first time in history, a woman will become speaker of the House in Washington; also for the first time, a woman takes over the Telegraph’s weekly entertainment column. Formerly known as The Goods, then The Society Page, this 1,000-word chunk of paper real-estate now belongs to the fairer sex. Welcome to The Underground, your anti-establishment source for what’s now, what’s cool and what’s happening in LPC. (Sorry sportsfans, no more college basketball predictions or hockey rants. I will, however, mention that our very own Fort Lewis College soccer men are on this very day playing game one of two for the NCAA national championship in beautiful Pensacola, Fla. Give us a wave!)

For those of us not strolling the pristine beaches of Pensacola this weekend, there are some consoling distractions available in our local environs.

This Saturday, Durangoans are encouraged to participate in America: Unchained, a movement designed to call attention to the importance of shopping locally to benefit our microeconomy, or, in the words of the American Independent Business Alliance, “Maximize the impact of dollars and inject potentially millions more into the local economy by shopping, dining out and doing other business only with locally owned, independent businesses.” Plus it makes us feel good.

There’s nothing wrong with chain stores in and of themselves. Without them, many small towns would suffer from a dearth of consumer goods, grocery items and household staples at affordable prices. However, the one-of-a-kind, locally owned shops in Durango and La Plata County offer us a unique array of goods, services and cool environments that will never be matched by national chain stores catering to the masses.

Take a look at your weekly shopping list and see if you can’t find everything you need without entering the fluorescent-glow world of muzak and self-checkouts. (Who needs 64 rolls of toilet paper and a five-gallon can of nacho cheez, anyway? Well, except for Ted.) Now, that won’t be too hard, will it? Could be kinda fun, actually. But, a word of warning: Don’t let yourself, in the midst of this well-intentioned event, lapse into an attack of Smug. As the good people of “South Park” learned in Season 9, too much self-satisfied social enlightenment can result in a harmful cloud of Smug that has the power to destroy the entire Western half of the country, from San Francisco to Salida. So please folks, buy some stuff from local stores, have fun shopping in a different environment and leave your dogs at home - but whatever you do, don’t talk with your eyes closed and sniff your own farts. It’s just not right.

If you have some cashola left after your local shopping spree, there’s some good night-time entertainment at our local joints. For the kids, it’s the Summit on Saturday night for the Venture Snowboards/Ska Euphoria release party with the Freeman Social (Check out their MySpace page!) and Warsaw, the perennial ska/funk/punk/Jager band of bros. Bubba, Mike and Kati open the bottle at about 9-ish (probably more like 10); they have some new songs and it’s gonna be rad, dude. If you like sweaty slam-dancing and drinks spilled down your back, stay on the dance floor for Warsaw and you won’t be disappointed. Just don’t try to touch the trumpet player; he’ll kick your ass.

Some of you are doubtless thinking to yourselves ...“I live in Montezuma Count, and I’m over 35 and getting hammered at the Summit on Saturday night would really interfere with my Sunday morning rituals at the Absolute Bakery. What am I going to do for fun this Saturday night?” For you, I say this: Dolores River Brewing Co., a while past suppertime, (8 p.m.) Dave Insley. He’s from Kansas, lives in Austin, he fronted the Trophy Husbands and now has a band called the Careless Smokers; it’s alt-country and rockabilly mixed together like a good Early Times and Coke. Just right.

And since this is a woman-owned column now, I feel secure enough in my femininity to mention the upcoming Chick Flick at the Abbey Theatre. As many formerly oppressed groups in the past have done, we “chicks” have taken the derogatory diminutive term and used it as a tool of empowerment, repurposing it as a slogan of pride. Or so I read in BS – I mean MS. magazine. Terminology aside, the Chick Flick is a Monday night movie event at the Abbey that features free pizza (see, we are liberated!) at 5 p.m., followed by a screening of “Friends With Money” at 6 p.m. See Jennifer Aniston in a role where she doesn’t show her naked behind or fall out of love with a jerk. Here, she just doesn’t have money and she’s single. Catherine Keener, Frances McDormand and Joan Cusack are the eponymous friends with money who, shockingly, also have problems. I’ve heard good things, and you really can’t go wrong with those great actresses (is it OK to say that? Or are we all “actors” now?) and a group of “chick” friends to watch it with. Speaking of movies, “Shortbus” opens Friday for one week only at the Abbey.

Mystery movie quote of the week: “I can’t relate to 99 percent of humanity.”

From whence comes this line? lindsay_damico@ yahoo.com. •