Hey Diver,

Do ex’s make good friends after you break up? I’m debating making an ex a friend.

                – Alex in Atlanta, via e-mail

Alex from Hotlanta,

I would have to say it all depends on the circumstances of the situation. If your ex has a hot sister or a sick Wrestlemania DVD collection, he or she is worth keeping around. But if you’re just in it for the desperation ass, I’d move on. Ex’s can make good friends though, kind of like your mom and I. We don’t do it anymore, but we totally hang out now and then for the stimulating conversations.

            – Crunk in the DGO, Logan   

Diver,

I have a friend who was at work and accidentally gave away two fountain drinks. Her manager saw what happened and yelled at her in front of fellow co-workers and customers. He didn’t take the time to pull her aside or see that it was an honest mistake. She said she was sorry and paid for the drinks. I told her she should tell him he over-reacted and full blown yelling was not necessary. Well, when she stood up for herself, they fired her. Even though she lost her job, we both think she did the right thing. What do you think?

       – Jobless in Durango

Jobless,

I hate to be a hater, but what a worthless inquiry. You have the single-most tech diver of all time at your disposal, and you want advice about some raging, career-gas station manager? Serious Texas diver was a couple weeks ago. My advice is contained within these simple steps: 1) Light bags of poo on doorstep of offending boss; 2) If it’s not too late, go shred some of the 10 feet of snow that Wolf Creek got in the middle of March; 3) Come to my house and make me a sandwich; 4) More poo bags; and 5) Find a job that is lucrative, low impact and supportive of your higher purpose. If this doesn’t work, move to Bloomfield and get a job at Blakes Lotaburger.

                                         –Diver

Diver,

Will you please do something about the Rev. Fred Phelps? He’s this wacko, anti-gay preacher that goes to funerals of dead U.S. soldiers and gets his followers to hold up signs that say “God Hates Fags” and other silly things. He thinks God is punishing America via the war since we “harbor” homosexuals. Jeez, it’s like we should round him up and put him in a prison for some good loving, if you know what I mean.

                          – Mac in Hermosa

Mac Daddy,

Do you want me to put a sick Delta Force-style ass whoopin’ on this chode, ’cause I’ll totally do it. I’ll devastate him with my words first, though. Any conscious individual knows people like Fred are infant souls who buy into fear as a means of making life easier to live. He would probably be shocked to find out the earth is more than 10,000 years old. Let him do his thing, and spend your time contributing your love and positive energy to the revolution. Plus, when this whole rapture thing rolls around, you’ll have all the rainbows and assless chaps you can handle.

                                          – Diver