Diver,

I just graduated from college and managed to get a great job three months later. I’m now making as much money as my dad. So I bought a new car, HDTV and some other things. My dad is pissed! He says I should be putting money away and to not take this position for granted. Well, I just worked my ass off to graduate in four years, I’m gonna have a little fun! Is that so wrong? Now my dad wants to kick me out of the house, saying I should get my own place. What’s wrong with him?

– Jerry

Jerry, 

What the hell is wrong with you?You still live at home with your parents rent free, and you are asking what is wrong with your dad? So what, you have a job and are able to buy the nice things you think that you need to have. Turn off “MTV Cribs” and “My Super Sweet 16,” grow up, let your balls drop and move out. I would listen to your dad. DADDY KNOWS BEST!!

– Diver

Hey Diver,

My good friend just broke up with his girlfriend, and I’m thinking of asking her out. Is this wrong? Should I ask my friend first? Or should I just steer clear of hooking up with my old friend’s ex? Some people say if I do I’m looking for trouble, what do you think?

– Mike via e-mail

Dear friend I would never have,

I am just going to refer to you as #@*! because Mike doesn’t suit you well enough. I don’t see how you can even contemplate this decision in your mind without feeling like a complete ass, #@*!! I hope that in the near future you ask out your friend’s ex, and you get rejected and then you get your ass kicked by your old friend, #@*!. You must be the biggest retard if you think asking out your friend’s ex isn’t wrong, it is probably the worst idea you could come up with. It doesn’t surprise me though because usually people who ask out there friends’ girlfriends are complete morons, so here is some advice, grow some balls and ask out a girl that you have never met before, maybe at a coffee shop, or at the store in the produce department, with your attitude you will probably go find a girl at the ranch, but you wont lose an old friend, but you will probably get rejected anyways because you’re a #@*!!!

– Your pal, Diver

Hey Diver,

A few years back my cousin met this girl who was a little crunchy, you know, hippie. Well, she was pregnant months after they met, and now they are on their third kid, she doesn’t work, they are leaving the West Coast to move back home with his parents, and my cousin’s dreams of being an artist are being shot down the tubes. I was just with them in California, they were kicked out of their house, I got them a hotel room and she ordered $200 in room service and never said thanks. Any suggestions?

– Walt

Walt,

I am not a fan of hippies, or as you like to call them “crunchy” people, either. You seem to be a little too involved with your cousin’s relationship and dreams of becoming an artist. Your cousin is probably old enough to make his own decisions and he probably doesn’t need you there to hold his hand. Sometimes people fall into hard times, and it was nice of you to help them out by fronting them some money for a hotel, but at least you learned a lesson. My advice, cut your losses, quit being a bitch and move on. It was only $200, let it go.

– Diver