Divers: Schoolhouse Lynch

Facts: Lynch is great at disposing his bad baggage.

Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com, or by fax at 259-0448.

Hey Diver,

I’m having some financial issues with my wife. We have always kept separate bank accounts, split all bills down the middle, etc., but recently she has gotten herself into more credit card trouble. It’s a bummer, because I bail her out. She pays them off, then racks ’em up again … then says I should work more to help her out. She lives beyond her means, not me! What are your thoughts on this?

– DB

DB,

Dump her. If she has no problem telling you to work more and no problem mindlessly racking up debt, then she’ll have no problem jumping into the sack with your best friend or your brother. She’ll do nothing but drain you and your finances for the rest of your life, and you’ll die miserably broke. Once again, immediately, dump her and split.

– Diver

Diver,

I’m a 16-year-old student and aspiring musician. I began playing guitar when I was 12 and have gotten pretty good. I like good music, too. Elvis Costello, King Crimson, Built to Spill, early punk like the Clash, etc. Recently I’ve been having problems with my dad, who likes music, but he listens to the same type of music 13-year-old girls listen to – Pink, Green Day (so not punk) and Beyoncé. He even got mad at me because I refused to go see Justin Timberlake with him. It’s pretty pathetic. This is a terrible thing to say, but my dad is a dork, and I can’t hang out with him anymore. He even refuses to listen to the music that I like, then will go and turn up something awful as loud as he can. What can I do?

– Guitar player guy whose dad is lame

Dear G.P.G.W.D.I.L.,

Hey, nice choices in music son. As for your dad, what a loser. I’d like to give you the same advice I gave DB, but dumping your dad may be a bit difficult. Your dad, however, does sound like a complete wannabe. He probably does nothing but listen to all that bad crap on his car radio and probably spends the rest of his time doing nothing but being a deadbeat and watching televised sports. My advice would be to just tell him that you have no interest in hanging out with him and his handful of lame CDs, I think being alienated by his 16-year-old son may make him say, “Yes, I am a dork that listens to lame music,” and he’ll probably change. Or not. OK, dump him.

– Diver

Diver,

My wife-to-be and I just moved in together last year. She always expressed her belief in “traditional” roles in a relationship. You know, she likes to cook, do laundry, I fix things, cut the wood and cut the grass. However, she never cleans, rarely does laundry, and when she does do laundry, complains that I don’t help. When she cooks three nights in a row, she demands I cook three nights in a row. Yet she will blast me for not changing a light bulb or fixing the clogged sink. What is going on here?

– Jerry

Jerry,

Boy, the advice this week is pretty much the same straight across the board, DUMP HER! I didn’t realize this would be so simple, a housewife who doesn’t work, a dorky dad, a spendthrift wife, DUMP ’EM ALL! Or I guess you could just stop doing stuff altogether around the house and see what happens. Yeah, give that a try, if that doesn’t get things moving, dump her.

– Diver

In this week's issue...

June 13, 2019
Haven't got time for the pain

In the words of the great Salt-N-Pepa, let’s talk about sex (baby.) There, we said it.

June 13, 2019
Scoping begins on Silverton travel plan

The plan to bring more singletrack to Silverton is rolling forward. Last week, the Bureau of Land Management announced the beginning of a 30-day public scoping period on its proposed Silverton Area Travel Management Plan.

June 10, 2019
2019 Hardrock taps out

Snow, avi debris, high flows force cancellation