Divers: Mel and Andy from Wagon Wheel

Facts:These Wheel workers are the Telegraph’s first Cooler Divers!

Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com, or by fax at 259-0448.

Hey Diver,

My husband and his son (from a previous marriage) swear like sailors in front of our young boys. I don’t think this sets a good example, but they say they’ll hear it on the playground anyway. Any suggestions on how to get them to stop?

– Loraine via e-mail


We suggest that if they want to swear like sailors, they should dress like sailors. Sailor hats, eye patches and stuffed parrots for their shoulders – you get the picture. Wearing this stuff around should make them feel like idiots (they will certainly look like idiots) and hopefully keep those mouths closed. We should warn you, however, that they may enjoy this new look and suddenly become celebrity impersonators for the Village People or, worst-case scenario, develop rather nasty drinking problems. We have the rum!

– Enjoy, Divers


My workplace sucks! There are two kinds of workers in my office, the “I can do its” and the “that’s not my jobbers.” The second bunch takes no responsibilty for anything, nor do they ever make anything happen. Guess what side my bosses always take? Should I start complaining about this to their bosses?

– Johnny

Johnny on the Spot,

Sounds like our job. Who do we complain to? Basically anyone who will listen. Talk crap to all the other employees and eventually it will get back to them. After everyone is pissed, they just might change their evil ways. If you do decide to tell on them, be prepared for the wrath – not to mention the name-calling, tattle-tale.

– Thanks, Divers

Hey Diver,

I’m debt free, my wife is not. As a matter of fact, she’s a compulsive shopper! She spends, spends, spends, way more than we make, make, make. She has 100 pairs of shoes! Our credit card bills are going up! How can I get her to realize she is putting us at great financial risk?

– Dad soon to be in debt

Dear Dad,

Your wife sounds like the perfect model of the American Dream. Isn’t your worth in society judged by all the fancy things you own? Seriously though, she should have to pay for her extravagant lifestyle. Tell her to get a job; if she has one, tell her to get another. Have her stop by, maybe we could find something for her. How does she feel about cleaning toilets?

– Divers