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Diver: Scott Rahilly from Home Slice Facts:Scott is all about putting people in their place, especially this country’s administration.
Dear Diver, I work at a coffee shop here in town, a busy one. Every so often I have the same customer come in and ask “what did I order last time?” As I rack my brain trying to remember for this person, the line forms, he hems and haws and ooohs and ummms and asks if I served him an iced latte or a mocha freeze or straight drip decaf. I serve about 100 people a morning, how am I supposed to remember what this inconsiderate counter hog ordered last week? I need to tell him this instead of vent here, I suppose, but I feel I’ll lose my job for being rude. Or do you have some form of witty comeback I can say when he asks “Do you remember what I got last time?” – Thanks, Coffee Server
Dear Barista, Maybe if you didn’t get crazy high every morning you’d have a better memory and the people skills to do your job. My guess is that you’re bound to get fired eventually, so go ahead and freak out the next time a customer has trouble deciding what to order. That’ll teach’em! – Patiently Yours, Diver
Hey Diver, The day my lease expired, my roommate decided to get a keg. In optimum stoner style, he called to invite me to it, knowingly disregarding the fact that the landlord was doing a formal checkout in an hour. Due to the situation, I arrived at the establishment, removed my roommate’s belongings and locked the door. Now my roommate is upset and will not talk to me. The question is, the deposit check was sent to me with both our names on it, how do I receive my portion of the deposit with him ignoring all my calls? – Hating Roommates from Telluride
Dear Stupid Roommate, First of all, what you did was a total dick move. Your roommate was nice enough to throw a moving-out party and all you can think about is your precious deposit. Now, due to your asinine behavior, you can’t get your deposit back and you lost a friend. Way to go, JERK! – Disdainfully Yours, Diver
Diver, My husband insists that when I go shopping I buy everything organic. Organic lettuce, organic canned food, organic meat etc. Well, for starters, his health habits are getting obnoxious because he constantly talks about eating healthy and exercising and stuff. However, he smokes pot and cigarettes. How does he justify eating healthy, yet poison himself? All of his hippie friends do this too by the way. – Thanks, Wondering
Dear Wondering, I completely agree! Hipp-iocracy is one of the most annoying of society’s ills. I suggest you tell your husband to get off his “high” horse and take a reality break. If he refuses, make it clear that you’ll find someone to share your life with that doesn’t mind eating Hot Pockets for dinner. – Trashily Yours, Diver |
Scott Rahilly from Home Slice juggling advice with diving In this week's issue...
- January 25, 2024
- Bagging it
State plastic bag ban is in full effect, but enforcement varies
- January 26, 2024
- Paper chase
The Sneer is back – and no we’re not talking about Billy Idol’s comeback tour.
- January 11, 2024
- High and dry
New state climate report projects continued warming, declining streamflows