A letter, Bohemian triba funk grass & The King


by Ted Holteen

A young reader writes, “You seem to like it here as welll but for someone who loves Durango, you go out of town a lot. Does it get that boring?” Two things jump out at me: first, it would appear that FLC has finally loosened its uptight and unrealistic spelling standards thereby allowing for an unlimited number of “L’s” to be used liberally as students see fit. Bra-vo. Second, and more importantly, I fear that I have disenfranchised the next generation of contributors to the Durango tax base with my self-serving, cynical outlook toward life in these Four Corners, and for that I owe our youth an apology and the truth. Sequestered on a palatial Ignacio estate and fortified with both the NHL and NBA tickets on DirecTV, I sometimes forget that I have a solemn and sacred responsibility to subliminally coerce our valued trust-fund beneficiaries to re-invest great aunt Edna’s legacy into the futures of the Summit and Orio’s. And so Nathan, if that is your real name, no – it does not get that boring. When I leave town it is usually to abide by a restraining order that, thanks to a typo, requires me to maintain an 1,100-mile perimeter from hippie jam bands and suburban white hip-hop acts lest I trample them under foot and turn again and rend them. (Matthew 7:6 – Sermon on the Mount. Good stuff, for Jesus anyway.) Therefore, the cliché for the week is “Do as I say, not as I do.”

The cliché can be activated almost immediately, as the Summit presents The Kinetix, a hippie jam band from Denver, on Friday night. Here’s how this works: I say “Go see The Kinetix, it’ll be fun.” Meanwhile, I’ll be watching the Sixers take on the Shaq-less Heat and eating taquitos, a local Ignacio delicacy. Despite appearances to the contrary, this will not violate my restraining order, as in the eyes of the law, Ignacio is the cultural equivalent of 1,100 miles from downtown Durango. Then, on Saturday, Blue Turtle Seduction takes the Summit stage, an outfit from Lake Tahoe specializing in high-altitude Bohemian Tribal Funk Grass. Talk about a saturated market! Who isn’t doing high-altitude Bohemian Tribal Funk Grass nowadays? Again, I say “Go see Blue Turtle Seduction – it’s funky and grassy,” but my actions will include watching the Flyers visit wunderkind Sidney Crosby and the Pittsburgh Penguins and drinking can after can of sweet, delicious PBR. Ain’t life grand?

A few months back, I asked on this page the question “what the hell is Penumbra anyway?” Still unsure of the answer myself, I don’t remember giving a good response other than to recommend self-medication and an open mind. Not helpful, I know. And now Penumbra is back, staging at the Abbey Theatre this weekend “Oblivion.” Speculation often leading to lawsuits in the newspaper biz, I’ll reprint for you the official synopsis from Penumbra world HQ. “Oblivion is an original fairy tale about a village enshrouded in a mysterious fog, a young blind girl and an underworld ruled by the Lady of the Dead Forest.” Standard storyline, I know, but like pot roast and a request for a congressional declaration of war, the magic is in the presentation. From the unfathomable recesses of the minds of Alex Oliszewski, Stacey Sotosky and LuAnn Brubaker, Penumbra uses computers, projectors, shadows, dance and puppetry in their production, so I still strongly recommend self-medication to get the most out of what promises to be a unique and entertaining experience. Show times for “Oblivion” are Thursday, Friday and Saturday at 8 p.m. with a Sunday matinee at 2 p.m. Nathan, if you’re still reading, I expect to hear that you were there. One thing, this won’t be is boring.

Blue Turtle Seduction

“what the hell is Penumbra anyway?” Still unsure of the answer myself, I don’t remember giving a good response other than to recommend self-medication and an open mind. Not helpful, I know. And now Penumbra is back, staging at the Abbey Theatre this weekend “Oblivion.” Speculation often leading to lawsuits in the newspaper biz, I’ll reprint for you the official synopsis from Penumbra world HQ. “Oblivion is an original fairy tale about a village enshrouded in a mysterious fog, a young blind girl and an underworld ruled by the Lady of the Dead Forest.” Standard storyline, I know, but like pot roast and a request for a congressional declaration of war, the magic is in the presentation. From the unfathomable recesses of the minds of Alex Oliszewski, Stacey Sotosky and LuAnn Brubaker, Penumbra uses computers, projectors, shadows, dance and puppetry in their production, so I still strongly recommend self-medication to get the most out of what promises to be a unique and entertaining experience. Show times for “Oblivion” are Thursday, Friday and Saturday at 8 p.m. with a Sunday matinee at 2 p.m. Nathan, if you’re still reading, I expect to hear that you were there. One thing, this won’t be is boring.

Finally, Nathan, let me answer your query regarding my status as a would-be newspaper magnate. After a vicious bidding war between myself, Rupert Murdoch and Steve Forbes, I was forced to pull out of the battle for ownership of the Silverton Standard & The Miner. Resources aside, I found out just in time that publishing a weekly newspaper would in fact constitute a real job requiring damn near a full work week, every week, and that’s just silly. So instead I’ve opted to open a used bookstore in Bayfield. More to follow.

FUTURE SHOCK: People with talent, take note. Coming in January are two events that require your services. On Jan. 7, KDUR pays tribute to The King for their next cover night, as the crowd will celebrate Elvis’ birthday at midnight. Local musicians, please call Liggett at 247-7628 to get on the bill. The more the merrier. And in a shocking development, the Snowdown Gong Show has gotten the OK to do it again this year, so shameless idiots are requested to contact Jen at 259-0226 or gongshowinfo@bresnan.net. Thank you.

Got a question for Nathan? egholteen@hotmail.com. Happy birthday, Bill Liggett. Please come pick up your son. •