Diver: Bill Grasse from Homeslice

Facts:Loves long walks on the beach. Enjoys climbing and kayaking and is willing to try anything.


Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com, or by fax at 259-0448.


I work at Fort Lewis College and access the campus via 8th Avenue. Often there are people attempting to hitch a ride up the hill. I don’t really give these people rides for two reasons: 1) I take my daughter to the child-care center on campus and won’t pick up a hitchhiker if she is in the car; and 2) On one too many occasions the passenger I picked up had bad BO and violated the air in my car ala that Seinfeld episode. Well, a hitchhiker just gave me the finger when I passed him. Now here is where it gets good. About 20 minutes after I got to my office, this kid came in needing assistance in my department. I obliged, however I’m wondering what you would recommend I do since he gave me the finger? Suck it up, or throw his request for assistance in the garbage, and reveal that he gave me the finger?

– Mac


As a veteran of many parking tickets at the Fort, I know how hard it can be for a student that can’t afford the outrageous parking costs on campus or, for that matter, a vehicle. Was it wrong for him to give you the finger? Yes, but everybody makes mistakes. These kids have enough crap to deal with anyway. Childish revenge won’t really be teaching the right lesson now will it? Give him assistance but reveal that it was YOU that he flipped off. This will cause him to get embarrassed and learn from his mistake, which is what college is supposed to be all about.

– Diver


Dear Telegraph,

I was just visiting Durango and was in one of your nice co-op grocery stores stocking up for a drive to the West Coast. I was disgusted to see when I left, one of the employees littering her

cigarette trash in the alley. What the hell is up with that? Do all of Durango’s “pseudo earth conscious” people act with such disregard? Wondering, I was just disgusted.

– Jenny, via e-mail from Toledo but on the road in Durango


If you ever see this happen anywhere, call this person on it. Make a scene. Grab the lit cigarette and flick it back. I like to aim for the face. People should know that an action like this is frowned upon. As for whether this is normal behavior around here or not, the answer is no. But every town has its idiots.

– Good luck,



Hey Diver,

For some reason, the ex-boyfriend of the girl I’m seeing wants to kick my ass. This kid dumped her! Now he wants to kick my ass? I’ve got news for him, I’m gonna pound him into the dirt! What do you think of that?

– Johnny


This reminds me of an old saying: The elephant that jumps north may have trouble surfing rocks ON cheese ... I know ... You’re welcome.

– Diver

In this week's issue...

July 18, 2024
Rebuilding Craig

Agreement helps carve a path forward for town long dependent on coal

July 11, 2024
Reining it in

Amid rise in complaints, City embarks on renewed campaign to educate dog owners

July 11, 2024
Rolling retro

Vintage bikes get their day to shine with upcoming swap and sale