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Dear Diver,
What is the best advice to give kids about bullies? My kid isn't being bullied, he is the bully! He pushes, he
orders, he takes, he's mean. I punish, it does no good. I scold, it does no good. I've come to the point of just
telling him, around birthdays and such, that he has no friends because he is mean! What can I do?
- Mitch
Ah, Crikey man. Are you seriously going to take parenting advice from a diver? I don't know if you realize who you're
dealing with, but I have a hard enough time keeping track of my unit, so I think your kid is a little out of my
league. If you really want some advice though, I'd suggest sending the little puke off to the military. Last time I
checked, having friends was not a prerequisite for bullying terrorists.
- Diver
Diver,
I live next to this guy who gets all high and mighty about current events, the war, fast food, consumerism,
capitalism and things like that. This hypocrite also eats McDonalds, uses racial slurs in casual conversation,
litters, smokes and is basically a regular American Jerk. I need to knock him off his high horse, but how?
- Mac in Hermosa
High Horse?
Well Mac-Daddy, I seem to be having a bit of a moral dilemma with your question. As a male, and an avid nonlitterer,
I would suggest whackin' this guy in the noggin with a 2-by-4 in the Mickey D's parking lot. But as the Diver, I am
obligated to act with integrity so as to keep my track record of prudent advice untarnished. Therefore, I must
suggest a more reasonable solution to your problem. Go over to homeboy's casa, preferably while he is getting his
horse all blazed out, and find some common ground between the two of you. I am sure you fellas could chat for hours
about universal truths, such as the fact that Chuck Norris would ruthlessly devastate Steven Seagal and Hulk Hogan
simultaneously if he wanted to, or the fact that Mr. T whooped Rocky Balboa's ass fair and square, that whole rematch
thing was bogus. Once he seems comfortable with your presence, shock him with a Tazer until he promises to never
litter again. Ah Yes! Compromise is good.
- Diver
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Diver: Logan from the Durango Diner
Facts: Logan is now three-for-three: three appearances in the Telegraph and three consecutive references to Chuck
Norris.
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Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?
Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions
to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask
the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn
Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at
telegraph@durangotelegraph.com,
or by fax at 259-0448. |
Dear Diver,
Why is it that girls, especially in this town, are unbelievably cruel and heartless? Is it because they can be that
way? I don't care how lame some girls are, if they are hot they are not going to get dumped. That's the bottom line.
I wish hot girls could be a little bit more considerate.
- Thanks,
Heartbroken too many times in Hesperus
Well buddy,
Aside from the bad-ass gas station, I don't know much about Hesperus or the dating scene there, but I'll do my best
to point you in the right direction. Maybe you should examine your own personality and behavior before you go blaming
all your troubles on another person. Start treating these heartless dames with a little respect and class and see
where that gets you. Say things like, "Girl, I buy you anything you want as long as you pay half" or "Hey, it's pint
night at Steamworks, let's see if we can get ya all wasted for cheap." Girls love that kind of stuff. Just ask your
mom, I'm sure she would love to tell you about how much game I got.
- Diver
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