|
Dear Diver,
Do you think I'd get in trouble if I wore a "draft Jesus" shirt to school or church? I don't support the current
"war" at all, and I figure this might stir some debate. What do you think?
- Jerry
Jerry,
I'll bet my next paycheck that Jesus does not make it back to Earth before the end of the war. Should he make it back
in time, then yes, wear your shirt, you'll get your debate and I'll pony up the dough. You should be aware that many
theologians believe that JC died over 2,000 years ago, and they do not expect his return. Camouflage that halo son!
- Diver
Diver,
I have this friend who drinks a lot, and as of late he's been getting so drunk he "relieves himself" when he passes
out. This happens a lot, and I don't think he cares. It's pretty gross, is it intervention time?
- Kevin in Durango
Dear Kevin
Most domesticated adult humans do not soil themselves without concern. So yes, it's intervention time. Kevin, start
working on a strategy and get a strong team together. The stench of urine mixed with denial can be a worthy
adversary. Cold turkey is a dish best served cold.
- Diver
Hi Diver,
I know there are often music questions in this column, so here is one. I have this dippy hippie friend who is now
collecting bootlegs from that band the Dark Star Orchestra. If you don't know, they are a band that re-creates full
Grateful Dead shows, often note-for-note replicas of real shows. Why would a cover band re-create a show that is
based on improvisational jams, and more importantly, why would people collect these shows? It's basically like
copying abstract art, right?
- Thanks,
Me
|
|
Diver: Jonezy from Homeslice
Facts: Jonezy is angry at Americans who thinks he is a great hockey player from Northern Europe
|
|
Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?
Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions
to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask
the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn
Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at
telegraph@durangotelegraph.com,
or by fax at 259-0448. |
Me!
I have read your letter over and over, it's like listening to a song I love to hate. It's torture. Recreating
improvisational jams is like Catholic priests having their way with children, it's so wrong and it must be stopped!
Immediately. My re-education sleep over camp is now up and running in the basement of Homeslice. Anyone who fails to
complete the course successfully is sent to San Quentin.
- Respectfully,
Diver
Diver,
I just got an invitation to a baby shower from my friend who mentions numerous times in the invitation where they are
registered! He did this same thing for his wedding.! Did he get married for gifts? Did he have kids for gifts? It's
all pretty white trash if you ask me.
- Jim
Jim
I don't think it's a white trash thing. It's just disgustingly materialistic. He won't find happiness in a big pile
of plastic feces. Unconditional love is where it's at! Tell your friend this. Tell him and punch him in the face if
you have to.
- Diver
|
