Diver,

Recently, a friend of mine was a Diver, and his family, who live back East, read the column. They were horribly offended! They thought he was really, for real, giving out sound advice. I mean, yes a lot of the advice in this column is legitimate, but come on, a lot of this is quite tongue in cheek. Maybe you, or the representatives of this paper, should put a disclaimer on this column. What do you think?

- Worried
in West Durango

Dear Worried,

What is this phrase you use, "tongue in cheek?" I know not of this. It does turn me on just a bit though. Was that the intent? Because I'd hate to misinterpret your written word as downright literal. Sarcasm and dry humor often fall on deaf (blind) ears (eyes). Each weekly Diver columnist approaches the subject matter differently. Some answer the queries with an earnest, heartfelt honesty. Others try to be clever and derogatory. Me? For every Diver article I've ever done, I go at it the same way: read the question, type off the top of me head, and thus tend to answer like I speak. The advice I give is never, I repeat NEVER, sarcastic or cynical. Unless, of course, you know me personally ... then you'd realize that what I just wrote was an outright lie. Go figure. Just tell your friends back East that all Durangoan Service Industry Types (i.e. Divers) are crass, classless, culture-depraved plebeians who should never be taken seriously and/or paid any attention to at all.

- Blah, blah, blah,
Diver

Dear Diver,

I'm in ninth grade at DHS. For some reason, I have to take gym, and they are about to teach wrestling. I'm pretty athletic, as a matter of fact I'm quite good at basketball and soccer. However, I'm not a huge dude. More importantly, the last thing I want to do is roll around on a mat with some other dude. How the hell do I get out of wrestling in gym class?

- JD,
via e-mail