A letter from the right. War sucks, yes, but sometimes (and I use that term loosely) necessary. The draft sucks, yes, but many countries still have a draft. Don't you think it's a great way to build a sense of pride and nationalism into otherwise lazy teen-age Americans?

- Jim, via email


Intriguing question, indeed. I had hoped to start with something light hearted, begging for belittlement ... but alas, a pertinent question that ought to be taken seriously. This seems to be a topic of heated conversation as of late, with most whining/opposition coming from the Left. So, I appreciate a letter from the Right. I want to answer you carefully, just as you posed the question. "Don't (I) think it's a great way to build a sense of pride and nationalism into otherwise lazy teen-age Americans?" No, I do not. I believe that "pride and nationalism" being shoved down the throats of teen-agers will only cause a gag reflex. However, I do believe a nation's army should be a people's army. So while I am viciously against a draft, I think mandatory service in some form is not unreasonable, and should be instituted.

- Hypocritical as ever, (truly the American way),

Dear Diver,

I have a friend who recently divorced. He used to be a nice guy, but now he's bitter as hell and frankly, not a nice person to be around. He constantly berates me for being married and says things like "we'll talk in 10 years." When he's drunk, look out. He's cursing his ex one minute, then crying in his beer the next. Should I cut off all ties with him, because he's become a pathetic buzzkill.

- Thanks, Tom


Sever all ties with this person. Immediately. There is plenty of gross negativity and cynicism out there, believe me. In fact, one cannot help but be inundated by it wherever they go. If you can successfully read a newspaper, flip through a magazine or watch the news without becoming enraged, you are a better man than I. Or, perhaps, you are one of the tens of millions blissfully unaware of your surroundings and comfortably sedated by horrible music, mindless television and blinking lights. But I digress.

I imagine (hope) you have given your chum plenty of sound advice, served as a shoulder to cry on and empathetic ear, put up with his constant self-loathing, etc, etc. You have tried as any friend would, now give it up. When he reconciles some of his own shortcomings as a failed husband, he will come around as an apologetic friend. Groveling.

- Sickened, Diver

Diver: Jon Lynch from the Schoolhouse

Facts: Jon is sleepy and tired. Otherwise he has nothing going on.


Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com, or by fax at 259-0448.


Dear Diver,

There's a woman in my office who has hooked up with all the available men here. Our holiday party is soon (the hook-up event for her), and it's my turn. Should I go through with it? After all, she is hot.

- "Hookin' up Hal"


The easiest question of the lot, hands down. Yes, yes, you should go through with it. But isn't it a tad presumptuous to think that you're next in line? But hooray if things work out.

- Reminding readers what Eazy E, John Holmes, Rock Hudson, Arthur Ashe and Freddy Mercury all have in common, Diver(It's AIDS awareness month ... Happy Holidays...)


Does alternative fuel really work? I have a friend who has a bio-diesel vehicle that he swears by. But the last three times I've ridden in the thing it has broken down, stranding us. It's a great idea, but those things just don't freaking work!

- Maggie


Does alternative fuel really work? Certainly. Has it been perfected? I doubt it. Consider it an utterly necessary work in progress. We all need to be more open to such methods, Maggie! I'm sure getting stranded was lame, don't get me wrong, but it is a small price to pay for piece of mind. I hope that more conscientious folks like your friend begin shifting away from traditional, nonrenewable fuels for all our sakes. For a more thorough answer to your query, check with the badasses at the Environmental Center at FLC...third floor College Union Building.

- Wanting to answer sarcastically, but compelled to do the right thing, Diver



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