Dear Diver,

What does it say about a man's character (not to mention his hygiene) if he never makes his bed and always has dishes piled in his kitchen sink?

- Not His Mother

Dear Not his Mother,

These activities or lack thereof imply this guy is a free spirit, a nonconformist. This guy looks the world in the eye and says, "You don't know me, I can do what I want." As far as hygiene goes, I am sure he knows a splash of Old Spice a day keeps the shower away.

- Sincerely, The Diver


My co-workers suck. All they do is bug me, ask me dumb questions and constantly interrupt me when I am doing things. They are rude as hell, and I can't take it anymore. What do you suggest I do before I go completely Postal?

- Marge

Dear Marge,

Start by watching the movie "Office Space," make sure you have some paper nearby to take notes that may help you. Second, hire a feng shui consultant to help you decorate your cube in a more peaceful, relaxing way. This could make all those questions and interruptions seem trivial. Lastly, take all your guns and ammo and toss them into the middle of a deep lake.

- The Diver

Dear Diver,

Is the punk music played on MTV legitimate? I thought punk, back in the day, embodied a “Do It Yourself” ethic and spoke out against oppression, the government and other issues important to free thinkers. Now if I watch those lame punk bands on MTV, all they do is sing about girls and high school. Your thoughts?

- Jessie, via e-mail

Dear Jessie,

First off, is there such a thing as legitimate punk? These people are punks, there’s nothing legitimate about them. Most music you find on MTV is gonna suck - that’s just a fact. As far as speaking out on oppression, the only oppression these “punks” have come across is getting ticketed for loitering in Circle K parking lots. “Faults of the government” whatever, those bands were around during the Reagan days. Remember, back when everything was OK?

- The Diver

Diver: Shane Larson, from Cuckoos

Interesting Fact: Divemaster Bryant Liggett thought honeymooning was more important than work this week, giving us an encore Diver from Cuckoo's


Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at, or by fax at 259-0448.


ATM machines have been around for about 10 years now. So why the hell does it still take some people (I'll call them morons) forever to get their money? It's a matter of inserting a card and pressing about three buttons. Is technology really just too much for most humans?

- Elizabeth, Hermosa, via e-mail

Dear Elizabeth,

Yes, these people are morons, taking minutes on end to get their money. Don't take me no time, you know I'm gonna git mine! I git paid, take care of my binnis. As far as inserting something and pressing some buttons, you know I am gonna make a fast withdrawal. These people need to listen to more gangsta rap, then they may learn the importance of promptly receiving their money from anything or any one. I'm out ...

- The Diver



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