I'm writing in defense of the "super store," that very crowded store
south of town that lets RVs park in the parking lot overnight. Well, every
time I go to a local "mom and pop" store, chances are they don't carry
one of the many things I need. The "mom and pop" stores are destroying
the fabric of America! Due to their limited supply, I'm forced to go to
the "corporate super store." I don't want to, but I have to. I'm sorry,
but corporations make the world move. Do you think?
- BL in Hermosa
There is no mistaking the unfortunate direction that our culture, or
lack thereof, is headed in. The true value of the super store, however,
is not solely the wide availability of products and tremendous cost savings,
but in the customers themselves. A real-world utopia where the outrageous
concepts of exercise, nutrition, brushing three times a day and natural
clothing fabrics are thrown out the window. A place where it's OK to have
Billy Ray Cyrus' haircut, Little Jay Beaver's orthodontia and you and
your third spouse's 10th anniversary dinner.
BL, embrace! The super center is the epicenter of our wonderful American
- Thanks, Diver
Why are members of the opposite sex in Durango like parking spaces? They
are either handicapped or taken.
- Not Taken
First, Rodney Dangerfield you are not. Secondly, it sounds as though
you're too cheap to throw a quarter in the meter or too lazy to walk the
extra block. Any given day there is a herd of attractive, interesting,
eager singles cruising the streets of Durango. In my single days, I was
able to keep a stable of young Phillies for all occasions. However, Not
Taken, your issues run much deeper than what's available. So my advice
is simple-shower, quit relying on someone else's humo, and come to Lady
Falconburgh's Trivia Night on Tuesdays, I'll help you out.
- Good luck, Diver
Why do I feel like I am surrounded by idoits (sp) or I feel
they are idoits (sp)? Am I stupid or should I join the crowd
of idoits (sp)?
- Not Stupid
Dear Not Stupid,
Actually, yes, you are stupid, and everyone who reads this
paper now knows this. Spelling aside, from your question you
sound like an overzealous idealist who knows just about everything.
There is a place in this world for people like you, Misery!
- Thanks, Diver
Diver: Aaron Sinberg, from Lady Falconburgh's
Facts: Another Diver owner. We're not sure if they really dive, however,
we're sure they are capable of standing in front of a sink in a pinch.
Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?
Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions
to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask
the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn
Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at
or by fax at 259-0448.
I was recently notified that the RIAA (Recording Industry
Artists of America) is suing me for swapping music. Am I
going to jail? Should I request a cell next to Martha? Am
I a bad person for sharing music that I didn't put on the
web in the first place?
- Horizontal Stripes
I can see your rap sheet already, a real life Lex Luthor.
1. 7/10/95 Arrested for Jay-Walking, Corn Palace, Mitchell,
S.D. No Contest. $69 fine.
2. 1/11/00 Arrested for taking an extra newspaper from newspaper
box at a Topeka, Kans., Mr. Donut. $1,000 fine, 40 hours
3. 2/23/04 Arrested, outside food item hidden in grandmother's
wheelchair bag illegally brought into Trans-Lux High Five
Plus 2. Pleaded No Contest, Loss of Big Screen Privileges
for 15 years.
No, you're not a bad person, but somebody has to be the
- Sucks for you,