I'm writing in defense of the "super store," that very crowded store south of town that lets RVs park in the parking lot overnight. Well, every time I go to a local "mom and pop" store, chances are they don't carry one of the many things I need. The "mom and pop" stores are destroying the fabric of America! Due to their limited supply, I'm forced to go to the "corporate super store." I don't want to, but I have to. I'm sorry, but corporations make the world move. Do you think?

- BL in Hermosa


There is no mistaking the unfortunate direction that our culture, or lack thereof, is headed in. The true value of the super store, however, is not solely the wide availability of products and tremendous cost savings, but in the customers themselves. A real-world utopia where the outrageous concepts of exercise, nutrition, brushing three times a day and natural clothing fabrics are thrown out the window. A place where it's OK to have Billy Ray Cyrus' haircut, Little Jay Beaver's orthodontia and you and your third spouse's 10th anniversary dinner.

BL, embrace! The super center is the epicenter of our wonderful American culture.

- Thanks, Diver

Dear Diver,

Why are members of the opposite sex in Durango like parking spaces? They are either handicapped or taken.

- Not Taken

Not Taken,

First, Rodney Dangerfield you are not. Secondly, it sounds as though you're too cheap to throw a quarter in the meter or too lazy to walk the extra block. Any given day there is a herd of attractive, interesting, eager singles cruising the streets of Durango. In my single days, I was able to keep a stable of young Phillies for all occasions. However, Not Taken, your issues run much deeper than what's available. So my advice is simple-shower, quit relying on someone else's humo, and come to Lady Falconburgh's Trivia Night on Tuesdays, I'll help you out.

- Good luck, Diver

Dear Diver,

Why do I feel like I am surrounded by idoits (sp) or I feel they are idoits (sp)? Am I stupid or should I join the crowd of idoits (sp)?

- Not Stupid

Dear Not Stupid,

Actually, yes, you are stupid, and everyone who reads this paper now knows this. Spelling aside, from your question you sound like an overzealous idealist who knows just about everything. There is a place in this world for people like you, Misery!

- Thanks, Diver

Diver: Aaron Sinberg, from Lady Falconburgh's

Facts: Another Diver owner. We're not sure if they really dive, however, we're sure they are capable of standing in front of a sink in a pinch.

Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com, or by fax at 259-0448.

Dear Diver,

I was recently notified that the RIAA (Recording Industry Artists of America) is suing me for swapping music. Am I going to jail? Should I request a cell next to Martha? Am I a bad person for sharing music that I didn't put on the web in the first place?

- Horizontal Stripes


I can see your rap sheet already, a real life Lex Luthor.

1. 7/10/95 Arrested for Jay-Walking, Corn Palace, Mitchell, S.D. No Contest. $69 fine.

2. 1/11/00 Arrested for taking an extra newspaper from newspaper box at a Topeka, Kans., Mr. Donut. $1,000 fine, 40 hours community service.

3. 2/23/04 Arrested, outside food item hidden in grandmother's wheelchair bag illegally brought into Trans-Lux High Five Plus 2. Pleaded No Contest, Loss of Big Screen Privileges for 15 years.

No, you're not a bad person, but somebody has to be the scapegoat.

- Sucks for you,







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