Farewell Marge, Camel Toe and Courtney Love

by Mike Sheahan

Grief is always a hard thing to deal with. With luck, grief visits us all briefly and departs quickly. This week, however, the sadness should stick for awhile.For, as most of us know, the legendary Cincinnati Reds owner Marge Schott departed this mortal coil last week, leaving one burning question on everyone's lips: "Great, now who's going to properly defend Adolph Hitler?" Yes, Dame Schott never let loose of her argument that Hitler "was good at the beginning but took it too far." Even after multiple public apologies, she never wavered in her defense of Hitler's early regime.

The venerable old lady Schott was also known to publicly brandish social and racial epitaphs often referring to African American ball players using the N-word; say it wasn't fair that Asians came to the States to "make our kids look bad"; and outlaw earrings on her field because only "fruits wear earrings."Once, after home plate umpire John McSherry collapsed and died from a heart attack on opening day, the ever empathetic Schott declared, "No one feels worse than I do." Comforting words for McSherry's family no doubt. The good news is that it seems the Devil has only two of his spawn left roaming the earth.Pat Buchanan has been relegated to off-hours news talk, and Rosie O'Donnell is suddenly happily married. Maybe all is not lost.

Astute readers will note that last week's Goods was populated by a few calendar related boo-boos. My apologies to anyone who showed up somewhere expecting a baptism and got treated to a Marilyn Manson show. And God forbid you went to a local club expecting "DJ Poopy Pants" and instead had to endure an actual live music act. Going on only two years of writing this column, the only blame that makes sense is the blame I can heap upon the confounded leap year. Suddenly, Saturdays became Sundays, the 5th became the 4th and some 35-year-olds lost the ability to count on their hands. Blast that centuries-old Gregorian method of marking time! If you must, blame me for the chronological missteps, but really some ancient group of Christian monks are truly to blame.

This Saturday, March 6, Storyville hosts an evening of fun-time punk stylings billed as Straight Outta Junior High with local hard rockin' faves Suitcase and Amazing Larry . If, during mid-twirl at some jammed-out wank fest, you were left wondering if there was more to life than the same triplet-based guitar solo over and over and over, this might be your show. Some people can play guitar solos with only two notes; it's worth checking out.The punk style fun gets going at 9:30 p.m.

Speaking of Storyville, tickets are now on sale for the March 30 visit by BR549 . The hardest working band in real life honky tonk is sure to sell out weeks in advance, so now is the time to get a jump on the competition. The BR549 experience is high energy and filled with all the pickin' and heartbreakin' that one should expect from the modern paramour of the real deal.

It's not always about loud twangy music, dark bars and last calls this week though. In fact, this week's biggest happening has nothing to do with music at all. The fourth annual Durango Film Festival gets under way this weekend. Highlights of the celluloid gorgefest include a roaring '20s themed opening gala at the Smiley Auditorium showcasing the 1927 Buster Keaton classic "The General" with a live orchestra playing much like back in the day. Also look for screenings of the Oscar-winning short documentary "Chernobyl Heart" and much more cinematic rapture than can be detailed here. Visit www.durangofilmfestival.com and enjoy a down-to-earth, honest movie fest before the likes of Susan Sarandon and Clint Eastwood show up and ruin everything.

Website of the Week: www.cameltoe.org is one of my favorite sites ever. The Toe site features candid photos of men and women who sport pants so tight that there is not much left to the imagination. These hilariously candid photos are coupled with an equally amusing paragraph of social commentary that often translates the wearing of bad pants to the downfall of western civilization.


This Week's Record in Review: Some of the best advice my parents ever gave me was that I was only as respectable as the crowd I ran with. Courtney Love and her music career is a perfect example of such sage advice. After the pretty awful "Pretty on the Inside," her next musical effort, largely reputed to have been a collaboration with (some say a gift from) Kurt Cobain, Hole's "Live Through This" was a great Nirvana-like record. Next, Love's band followed with "Celebrity Skin," a collaboration with Billy Corgan, which, oddly enough, sounded a lot like a Smashing Pumpkins record. Courtney Love's much-anticipated solo release, "America's Sweetheart," features yet another collaboration. This time Linda Perry, most known for her work with rock icons such as Pink and Christina Aguilera, takes charge of writing the music, and Love writes and sings the words. The records first two songs are filled with all the piss and vinegar one might expect from Love, but she follows with a couple of power ballads that may have been at home on any of the late '80s hair bands albums. Truth is, much like my parental advice, Love's album is no better than the company it keeps. Take away the over-done distorted guitar and from-the-gut wailing and you are left with an album suited for Pink or her ilk.

If loud guitars and a dirty mouth are all it takes to convince you that you are hearing a great album, then buy "America's Sweetheart." Otherwise, take your 16 bucks and head for the record store's bargain bin where much of the above mentioned music awaits you.

See you there. mpsheahan@yahoo.com.




News Index Second Index Opinion Index Classifieds Index Contact Index