| Dear
Diver,
What’s the best method to keep my 8-year-old
from cussing? His father (we’re divorced) lets him watch
PG-13 and R movies, and he has picked up all sorts of words
I’d rather him not say. This has gotten him in trouble
at home, and worse yet, at school. What can I do?
– Concerned and angry Mom
Mom,
Let’s dig through my past. When I was 8 years old, I
watched “Friday the 13” Parts 1, 2, and 3 with my
sisters. After that I wouldn’t go into a closet for months.
That Jason, he scared the (expletive, expletive) right outta
me. My advice is to make him say nothing but curse words for
a week. By then he’ll be so sick of curse words he’ll
stop. EABOS!
– Thanks,
Diver
Diver, At
a party recently, some woman was insisting that you won’t
get a hangover if you don’t mix Grape and Grain. In other
words, don’t drink wine and hard stuff during the same,
uh, session. (It was already too late for me to test her theory
that night.) Have you heard that one before? What do you think?
What’s your hangover avoidance technique?
– Chris
Chris,
Let’s dig through my past. The one and only time I drank
grain I ended up going to a concert and putting out lit matches
on my tongue. As far as hangovers are concerned, you’ve
got two choices: Rehab or never stop drinking.
–– Thanks,
Diver
|
| Diver:
Brian “Beezer” Lynagh, of Trimble Hot
Springs
Facts: Brian spends mornings
keeping the pools free of, well, everything, and the occasional
evening dispensing spirits at the Abbey Theatre
.
|
|
Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?
Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions
to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask
the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn
Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at
telegraph@durangotelegraph.com,
or by fax at 259-0448. |
Dear Diver,
Why does religion cause so much strife in areas
like the Middle East? I know the United States causes strife
in the Middle East, but those people, as far as I know, have
been fighting over holy ground for centuries. Why?
– Matt,
via e-mail
Well Matt,
Let’s dig through my past. I’m from the Mid East
so I know a little about it. When I lived back there I was always
dealing with those religious nuts from Ocean City, Maryland,
Virginia Beach and Wilkes Barre, Penn. Those people sure have
their heads up their asses. My solution was to pack up and move
to the wonderful freedoms of Colorado, where one can enjoy such
religious freedoms as polygamy and animal sacrifice. What I
would do is build a wall from D.C. to Philadelphia and roadmap
those extremists back to their mosques and mausoleums outside
of Wildwood, N.J.
– Diver
|
