Dear Diver,

I’m traveling overseas to a wedding and don’t have a lot of room for luggage and extra stuff. Would it be impolite to mail my gift for the newlyweds after I get home? Don’t you technically have a year to mail that kind of stuff?

– Mike

Dearest Mike,

Well, as we all know, flying these days can be very inconvenient, from checking luggage to strip searches. However, sometimes we do not have any other choice. As far as the gift, send it when you get back. At the wedding, give them a nice card! Let them know you’ll be sending a surprise. Word to the wise: Be careful overseas. Other countries are not too fond of Americans these days.

– Good luck, Diver

Dear Diver,

Why is there such a rivalry between hippies and nonhippies? Hippies like “jam” bands right? Nonhippies don’t like jam bands, right? Yet my friend who doesn’t like jam bands likes stuff like the Mahavishnu Orchestra, a ’70s fusion band with long songs and improvisation, much like modern jam bands. This hippie I know refers to bands that aren’t jam bands as bands only capable of playing three chords, yet when I look at tablature of songs by Widespread Panic I notice they only consist of three or four chords. So are jam bands basically three-chord bands that just play long guitar solos?

– Curious,

George in Silverton via e-mail


For starters, the “rivalry” between hippies and nonhippies is irrelevant. These days it seems like all bands are only playing three or four chords, no matter what category of music they fall into. And what’s up with this “American Idol” B.S.? It seems like record companies are stretching to find halfway decent talent. As far as jam bands only playing three-chord notes, I say to your friend: Listen to the Dead or any Jerry Garcia-related music and then we’ll see where he stands.

– Let the jam bands live on,


Hey Diver,

Can you tell me anything about elephant tranquilizers? Where can I get some?

– Dan, Durango, via e-mail


I don’t know much about elephant tranquilizers. If you’re looking for some kind of “escape,” then you’ve got a huge problem. Maybe try a hike along the river instead. If you’re not into that, seek counseling.

– Stay clean, Diver


Diver: CJ from Nini’s

Facts: Two weeks in a row Divers who volunteered dropped the ball. The simple solution: Go to a business owner. Chances are they are capable of using a computer and are not under house arrest.


Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at, or by fax at 259-0448.


What is the best way for me to deal with traffic? I hate my drive from Gem Village into town every day, and listening to Traffic doesn’t help me deal with traffic, although the “Low Spark of High-Heeled Boys” is a gem.

– Doug,

Gem Village


I suggest listening to a good CD or mixed tape at a very high volume and enjoy the scenery. Or, leave your house by 6:30 a.m. and your traffic situation should solve itself. And if that fails, move into town and buy a bike.

– Thanks, CJ



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