Dearest Diver,
Why is it that there are still people in Durango
who feel the need to honk and ride the asses of those bike riders
who are simply trying to get home? Well, here’s my middle
finger for you Mr. Honk-Pants from Second Avenue on Wednesday
the 14th at 5:30-ish. I’d like to compliment your “honk
like crazy from behind” strategy that is perfect to startle
a biker possibly inducing falling, followed by the “pull
in front of the helpless biker and slam on your brakes”
move, which was very helpful for me to get your license plate
number to accurately report it to the DMV.
-Thanks, JC
via e-mail
JC,
It wouldn’t surprise me if you’re the same rider
that tried suing the Iron Horse. If you really are the “helpless
biker” you claim to be, perhaps you should stay out of
the street. Why didn’t you flick them off and forget about
it? Lighten up. Lay off the Red Bull.
– Sincerely,
Mr. Honk-Pants from Second Ave.
P.S. It was me joy riding in a stolen car...go
ahead and “accurately report it.”
Diver,
A lot of times your questions reflect the unreality
of modern sitcoms. Are they for real or do you have a pool of
writers helping out this column? If they are for real, well
then, I think the world is pretty damn insane. Don’t you?
– Marie,
Durango
Marie,
I don’t think the Telegraph has enough spare change to
pay people to write silly questions to ask to a local dishwasher.
Since you’re reading the one you asked, your question
should be answered. As far as sitcoms...most aren’t worth
our time (except “Seinfeld”).
– Read the Telegraph,
Diver
Diver,
When I visit big cities I notice a lot of panhandlers
begging for money. However, they don’t look homeless.
Are panhandlers basically con men?
– Margie in Mancos
Margie,
Coming from Mancos, one of the big cities you visit inevitably
is Durango. I’ve noticed the panhandlers begging for money
too (and they’re definitely not homeless). You see, Margie,
everyone needs to make money. So next time someone approaches
you in Durango and tries to sell you a raft trip, time share,
or jeep or train ride, simply let them know you’re a local,
and you’re not interested.
-Thanks for the question,
Di-va
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| Diver:
Clark from Diorios.
Facts: Clark is not only a
dish diver, he is a pizza driver. Although very different
jobs – one involving water and soap, the other
involving keys and transmission – both are very
important in the realm of delivered pizza. No dishes
to clean, no need to leave the house.
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Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?
Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions
to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask
the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn
Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at
telegraph@durangotelegraph.com,
or by fax at 259-0448. |
Dear Diver,
Is it possible to be a good Christian
and still believe in evolution?
– Wondering, Jim in
Durango,
via e-mail
Jim,
Yes, but more importantly: Don’t worry
about being a “good Christian.” All you have to
do is ask for forgiveness for all of your sins before you
die, and you’ll be accepted into God’s Kingdom
for eternity. Besides...Christianity has done some not-so-good
things to women and men around the world, i.e. aiding in the
eradication of religious and cultural practices of native
peoples and helping the unequal power balance between men
and women (I bet Adam really picked the fruit). So eat, drink
and be merry.
– Diver
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