Dearest Diver,

Why is it that there are still people in Durango who feel the need to honk and ride the asses of those bike riders who are simply trying to get home? Well, here’s my middle finger for you Mr. Honk-Pants from Second Avenue on Wednesday the 14th at 5:30-ish. I’d like to compliment your “honk like crazy from behind” strategy that is perfect to startle a biker possibly inducing falling, followed by the “pull in front of the helpless biker and slam on your brakes” move, which was very helpful for me to get your license plate number to accurately report it to the DMV.

-Thanks, JC

via e-mail


It wouldn’t surprise me if you’re the same rider that tried suing the Iron Horse. If you really are the “helpless biker” you claim to be, perhaps you should stay out of the street. Why didn’t you flick them off and forget about it? Lighten up. Lay off the Red Bull.

– Sincerely,

Mr. Honk-Pants from Second Ave.

P.S. It was me joy riding in a stolen car...go ahead and “accurately report it.”


A lot of times your questions reflect the unreality of modern sitcoms. Are they for real or do you have a pool of writers helping out this column? If they are for real, well then, I think the world is pretty damn insane. Don’t you?

– Marie,



I don’t think the Telegraph has enough spare change to pay people to write silly questions to ask to a local dishwasher. Since you’re reading the one you asked, your question should be answered. As far as sitcoms...most aren’t worth our time (except “Seinfeld”).

– Read the Telegraph,



When I visit big cities I notice a lot of panhandlers begging for money. However, they don’t look homeless. Are panhandlers basically con men?

– Margie in Mancos


Coming from Mancos, one of the big cities you visit inevitably is Durango. I’ve noticed the panhandlers begging for money too (and they’re definitely not homeless). You see, Margie, everyone needs to make money. So next time someone approaches you in Durango and tries to sell you a raft trip, time share, or jeep or train ride, simply let them know you’re a local, and you’re not interested.

-Thanks for the question,



Diver: Clark from Diorios.

Facts: Clark is not only a dish diver, he is a pizza driver. Although very different jobs – one involving water and soap, the other involving keys and transmission – both are very important in the realm of delivered pizza. No dishes to clean, no need to leave the house.


Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at, or by fax at 259-0448.

Dear Diver,

Is it possible to be a good Christian and still believe in evolution?

– Wondering, Jim in Durango,

via e-mail


Yes, but more importantly: Don’t worry about being a “good Christian.” All you have to do is ask for forgiveness for all of your sins before you die, and you’ll be accepted into God’s Kingdom for eternity. Besides...Christianity has done some not-so-good things to women and men around the world, i.e. aiding in the eradication of religious and cultural practices of native peoples and helping the unequal power balance between men and women (I bet Adam really picked the fruit). So eat, drink and be merry.

– Diver



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