Dear Diver,
A few nights ago, my friend and I were in a local
establishment having a beer and catching up when this guy comes
up, and he’s all, “Don’t I know you?”
(Neither of us had ever seen him before.) Finally he says to
my friend, “I know where I’ve seen you, in my dreams.”
We just sort of went, “yeah, right,” finished up
our beers and got out of there. What’s up with that? Do
guys actually think some cheesy pick-up line is going to work?
I can’t believe a self-respecting woman would fall for
stuff like that.
– Sue,
via e-mail
Dear Sue,
Self respecting women never fall for cheesy pick-up lines,
but guys seem to think they work and in some cases they do (for
the drunken barfly chick with no morals.) Guys: You’ll
never get a good woman going about it that way. The fact is,
all the good women are like parking spaces, either handicapped
or taken. Honesty might not get you any loving, but it will
get you some respect and maybe some front-row parking.
– Love,
Diver
Dear Diver,
My 11-year-old son is overweight. I know this is
just a temporary thing as his father was chubby as a boy. His
problem lies with kids at school. They bully him and make fun
of him. How can I interfere without embarrassing him? Please
help; my days when I pick him up from school are a tear-filled
mess!
– Concerned mom,
Durango
Dear Concerned Mom,
I think you should enroll your boy in a wrestling program of
some sort. It’s the perfect opportunity for him to get
a good workout and then beat up all the bullies who pick on
him.
– Good luck,
Diver
Dear Diver,
Why do they put washing instructions on bathing
suits?
– Eugene Nelson,
via e-mail
My Dearest Eugene,
The reason for washing instructions on bathing suits is simple
– not everybody is as smart as you and I.
– Love,
Diver
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| Diver:
Lee Christenson, of Storyville
Facts: Lee volunteered to be
this week’s diver, and his reward was nothing
more than a can of Pabst. “A can of Pabst is all
I need to save the human race,” he said.
|
|
Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?
Seek help from the
master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions
to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask
the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn
Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at
telegraph@durangotelegraph.com,
or by fax at 259-0448. |
Dear Diver,
I am Russian. I reluctantly came to the United
States four years ago and currently reside in Breen. I recently
had an idea that seemed good but has since backfired. I
was feeling lonely and alienated as a Russian here so I
decided to obtain a Russian bride from a mail-order company.
How perfect was this idea? I could get a mate who shared
my language and culture, and we could maybe form a true
Russian enclave that would become a magnet for displaced
Russians the world over! Alas! How dreams are shattered
by reality. When she came she was disrespectful, filing
for a divorce a week after our marriage (on the grounds
of some loathsome habit falsely attributed to me.) She currently
resides in Durango with one of these so called hippies.
The one thing, diver, is that I still love her with the
depths of my heart. How can I win her back?
– Sincerely,
Pythagoras Chertokutsky, Breen
Dear Russian Guy,
My advice to you is forget about her, get a bottle of Stoli
and find these guys with cheesy pick-up lines and make friends
with them. Learn to live American-style and go out and enjoy
your time here. See live music, climb a mountain, you never
know, you could find the new love of your life on top of
a mountain walking her dog. Otherwise, go back to Russia
and find a little vixen for the fixin.’
– Peace,
Diver
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