Susan, the divining diver, and her little friend.

Diver:  Susan Lee
Interesting Fact: This is the first time the Diver has been done by consulting the I Ching/Yi Jing/Book of Changes, an ancient Chinese book of divination.

 

Dear Diver,
I’m poor and all my friends are poor. How do I find rich friends with good hookups? You know, like ones with houses in cool places, like Telluride. It seems everyone “knows someone” but me. Is there a certain place they all hang out? Please, hook a sister up, festival season is almost here.
– Rich in Personality

Dear Poor Girl,
Your toss of the coins brought you the hexagram Inner Truth: “Pigs and Fishes. Good fortune.”  Pigs and fishes were considered by the ancient Chinese to be the least intelligent animals, and therefore the hardest to influence. The same is true of rich people. Wilhelm explains: “In dealing with persons as intractable and as difficult to influence as a pig or a fish, the whole secret of success depends on finding the right way of approach.” The Inner Truth is: You would have better luck finding rich friends if you didn’t approach them first and foremost as a free Airbnb.
– Diver

Dear Diver,
My wedding is a little more than a month away, and we are doing everything ourselves. I am starting to feel “planned” to death and everything is costing 10 times more than anticipated. Unfortunately, it’s too late to elope as everyone’s already bought their plane tickets. Please, diver, give me some tips to get me and my sanity to the church on time.
– Groomzilla

Dear Grooming,
The Book of Changes assures you: “The movement of heaven is full of power. Thus the superior man makes himself strong and untiring.” Which means: This wedding is a good thing, and the Universe is solidly behind you. You will survive this. But how do you make yourself “strong and untiring?” There’s always juicing, but it’s a little late for that (unless you’re already a competitive biker.) Next choice is chewing coca leaves. The BBC reported the Pope requested coca leaves when he visited Bolivia last year. Hey, it’s used for treating altitude sickness – your wedding guests may need it, too.  But if you can’t find a source locally it is said various strains of sativa will energize you. But you may want to watch that “on time” thing extra carefully.
– Diver

Dear Diver,
What is up with people who drive with dogs in their laps? Seems really dangerous – even more so than texting – yet it seems to be widely practiced and condoned. The other day, I saw an elderly couple driving over Red Mountain with a Chihuahua bouncing around the front seat! Why do people do this?
– Front Seat Driver

Dear Road Warrior,
Why?  Because they’re from Durango and have absolutely no sense when it comes to their dogs.  The I Ching wants to send them a message. This hexagram was: The Taming Power of the Small, also known as Restraint. Which is what they need to do to that dog. It adds a fairly chilling warning: “The spokes burst out of the wagon wheels. Man and wife roll their eyes.” This suggests they will not heed the Yi’s advice: their “wagon” will come to an unfortunate end, and they’re probably going to “roll” more than just their eyes. When we change this to its opposite, their future reading is … heaven.  Usually, that’s a very auspicious hexagram. In this case, not so much. RIP.
– Diver

Seek help from the master of the In-Sinkerator. The diver has the solutions to life’s little messes. Send your problems to, “Ask the Diver:"
 telegraph@durangotelegraph.com