Grady dispenses specially blended advice.

Diver: Kevin Grady, head hoser, Durango Rapid Wash
Interesting Fact: Banging your head against a wall burns 150 calories an hour.

 

Dear Diver,
So, occasionally, I’ll see a band of Texans or other roving group of visitors at the grocery store or Wal-Mart stocking up on provisions for their stay in Durango. Without fail, they are always toting cases of 3.2% beer bought at the grocery store. This always presents a moral dilemma: should I tell them that our grocery store beer is not fully leaded, or should I let them figure it out the hard way, after they’ve exhausted their bladders and still don’t have a buzz?
– Singing the 3.2 Blues

Dear Blues Brother,
I know this dilemma all too well. I usually shake my head and laugh, but we have an obligation here in Durango to educate the masses. So slap that crap out of their hands and push them to one of our amazing breweries. Unless they are wearing Dallas Cowboys gear, then I say screw those people. Make them think they’re getting fully loaded. What they don’t know, won’t hurt them. And don’t forget to vote against fully leaded beers and liquor in grocery stores come November!
Keep Colorado Local!
– Diver

Dear Diver,
The other day, I went out to lunch with friends, and did not realize till several hours later, after I had talked to everyone in town at City Market, that I had a giant piece of black bean stuck in my teeth. Why didn’t anyone tell me? Do they not like me enough to save me from complete humiliation? I thought that’s what friends were for.
– Flossy

What’s up waterpik,
To quote the talented Dionne Warwick:
“Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
That’s what friends are for
For good times and bad times
I’ll be on your side forever more
That’s what friends are for.”
So keep that bean and smile. Your friends will love you with or without food in your grill. And as a bonus, you have a snack for later.
– Diver

Dear Diver,
I’ve been a devout pot smoker my whole life, but feel like the newest high-octane strains, particularly in edible form, verge on acid trip. The other day, I could’ve sworn I saw an oompaloompa riding a tricycle down Main Avenue followed by the seven unicorns of the apocalypse. Scared the bejesus out of me. Is it time to start cutting back?
– Still Smokin

Dear Smokey
I am a little confused with your question. Cut back? Why? Because of an oompa loompa and some unicorns? Sounds like a great time to me. I just wished that you told me where you get your stuff! I say push the envelope. Cause until you see flying monkeys attacking, you haven’t peaked!
– Doopity Do.

Seek help from the master of the In-Sinkerator. The diver has the solutions to life’s little messes. Send your problems to, “Ask the Diver:"
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