A hopped up Ashley takes her best shot.

Diver: Ashley Garcia, line cook and barista at Raider Ridge Cafe
Interesting Facts: According to the Chinese Zodiac, rabbits are the luckiest of all the other animals.

Dear Diver,
It’s now two months after Snowdown, and my husband is still sporting the mullet he grew as a joke. But it’s not really all that funny anymore, and I’m afraid people are not going to see the irony and take him seriously. How do I convince him the ‘80s really are over and to give it a rest? Or do I need to sneak in and cut it off in his sleep?
– Married to Billy Ray

Dear Mrs. Cyrus,
Haven’t you taken a moment to look around, watch the tube or pick up a newspaper? Because if you had, you’d see that the ’80s are definitely back! Snowdown this year was simply a reflection of the times. If I were you, instead of trying to change your husband, why don’t you choose to simply embrace his creative genius and instead of plotting a midnight mullet disposal, you should be planning a trip to the salon for you and any children you might have to join the cause. Mullets forever!
– Diver

Dear Diver,
What’s the deal with the hot tub that appears from time to time in the Telegraph’s classified ads? It always seems to be the same hot tub for sale. Is it a hot tub time machine that can go back and forth between the past and the future?
– Time Traveler

Dear Time Traveler,
Have you ever responded to said hot tub time machine ad? Because if you had, not only would you know the truth, but you’d also be relaxing in a heated-to-perfection hot tub, surrounded by excellent company with the exact beverage of your liking, from any time era you can imagine. Why you ask? Because when you get a hot tub, people come a flocking and the booze starts a flowing, and let’s face it: we live in the 21^st century and we can get pretty much anything we want here. So next time you see that ad, don’t just flip the page back to re-read your horoscope. Take a chance and see what types of adventures a new used hot tub might bring for you.
– Diver

Dear Diver,
So, I made the mistake of signing up for the Iron Horse last winter in a feeling of semi-drunken invincibility. Now that spring is here, I’m having some trouble getting motivated. In fact, I can’t even bring myself to walk to the garage and even look at my bike. Momma may have raised a slacker, but she didn’t raise a quitter. Please diver, give me some inspiration and tips to get me get off my ass and on the road.
– A Vicious Cycle

Dear Vicious Cycle,
If you say mama didn’t raise a quitter, let’s prove that right! First, let’s think big, like a 30 rack big of whatever domestic beer that suits your fancy (my roommate’s personal favorite: PBR). Next, we can start small and work our way up to the big leagues. Starting from your house, plan to head toward Home Depot, take the river trail and every mile or half mile deposit a beer in a semi-hidden location.  Once you’ve reached the Depot, turn around to get your buzz started so that you can be home just in time to get lazy in front of your TV for some HBO originals. Do this every day or every other day for about a week then switch direction to begin your training toward Silverton. Heck, get creative, bike out to Bakers Bridge one day. I promise you, the beer will help your motivation. Good Luck!
– Diver

Seek help from the master of the In-Sinkerator. The diver has the solutions to life’s little messes. Send your problems to, “Ask the Diver:"
 telegraph@durangotelegraph.com