This Week's Sign of the Downfall of Civilization

Iowa’s 2016 “Bacon Queen,” Allison Schafer, who was crowned during the recent Blue Ribbon Bacon Festival. Although she reportedly stumbled during the ’80s trivia portion, she wowed judges – including WWE Wrestler Hacksaw Jim Duggan – with her ability to both fry piggies and bacon – affixed to the barrel of her AR-15 rifle – all at the same time. The feat proves breakfast is not only the most important, but also the most dangerous, meal of the day.