Harrison is the picture of health.

Diver: Harrison McInnis
Interesting fact: Hmm… ok, well that’s not good. Turns out you’re not supposed to drink and take pain killers at the same time. 

Dear Diver,
My husband thinks a good “date night” is sitting in an uncomfortable chair in a dark movie theatre in complete silence watching people get shot, blown up or generally maimed (on the screen, that is.) Sorry, but I just don’t see how this says romance – all I hear is profanity. I feel guilty that he thinks I don’t want to hang out together, but this just isn’t my idea of entertainment or “quality time” (maybe if the theatres served wine?) Should I stay home or should I go?
– Screened Out

Dear Screened Out,
You’re obviously just not doing it right. Why would you go to the movie theatre sober? Let’s face it, most movies are terribly boring and predictable. Just do what I do when I reluctantly go to the theatre, or basically any public outing. Get shlam-bammed! Bring your favorite 6-pack, preferably something from Ska, and wait for the loud action movie helicopter explosion to crack open a beer. Pro tip for when you’re at a kids movie with your nieces: fireball shooters. A lot more quiet to open and you can blame the cinnamon smell on those nasty hot tamales candies.
– The Diver

Dear Diver,
I recently slipped on the ice and am living every Durangoans’ nightmare: a blown knee. Needless to say, in addition to the remorse over such a random accident, I am out for the rest of the ski season, laid up with a stupid brace. Does the diver have any ideas for new hobbies and or activities to keep me occupied lest I slip into a deep, dark El Niño depression?
– The Gimp

Dear Limp,
So I recently got injured and now have to spend most of the ski season out too. I feel your pain, literally. I wouldn’t say it’s a new hobby or anything, I’ve been doing it for a while, but I just recently got real good at it with all the spare time I have. Gettin shlam-bammed! Buy your favorite 6-pack, preferably something from Ska, pop a few pain pills and get behind the wheel. It kinda feels like you’re in a race car video game but with only one life! I usually play this game when I have to drive the school bus in the morning. Just kidding! You should never, ever drink and drive. Duh. You don’t need to find a new hobby, just add alcohol and pain killers to what you’re already doing (except operating heavy machinery!) for a new take on an old activity.
– The Diver

Dear Diver,
I just got done watching the Republican presidential debate and what a blathering clown show! It was like watching a Saturday Night Live skit. And what is wrong with Donald Trump’s face? It looks like he got caught in a spray tanning booth and then an elevator closed on his head. Please, tell me it’s all a bad dream and I’ll wake up to find some serious candidates with real solutions other than blowing hot air."
– Rep-ulsed

Dear Sernie Banders,
Buy your favorite 6-pack, preferably something from Ska, and go do something outside. Pay no attention to Tonald Drump, he’s an idiot. Maybe just go buy a few fireball shooters and feel the Bern.  
– The Diver

Seek help from the master of the In-Sinkerator. The diver has the solutions to life’s little messes. Send your problems to, “Ask the Diver:"
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