Collin gets deep this week.

Diver: Collin O’Brien
Interesting Facts: I often take pillows out of their cases in my sleep. I’ve no idea why.

Dear Diver,
My boyfriend of four years dumped me about five months ago. I am not so good at the unstructured social interactions with strangers, and I would very much like to find a new cutie to hang out with and kiss on. Got any advice for a shy girl lacking social skills, on how to meet cute tall single boys?
– Wall Flower

Dear Flower,
Feeling those Valentine’s Day blues since you don’t have a valentine anymore? Don’t worry, as someone who is pro at being single, I’m capable of advising you. You’re gonna have to lower your standards. I’m willing to admit that Justin Bieber is hotter than half the girls I’ve been with. Why does this boy have to be cute? Or tall? I don’t think it matters if he is single or not either. Guys have all these sayings like “just because there’s a goalie doesn’t mean you can’t score” and I’m sure there are girl equivalents. Hell, why does it have to be a boy? Try going the other way since that’s not frowned upon these days. Any other question you have can be answered by watching “A night at the Roxbury.”
– Love Diver

Dear Diver,
My mother has a knack for calling at the worst times. The other day, she called me while I was in line at the liquor store. I of course picked up – big mistake – and politely asked her if I could call her back as I did not want to be rude to the fellow customers and store clerk by blabbing on my phone. I also did not want to pull off into an aisle to talk to her as she suggested, since her conversations are never short-winded. Of course, she laid the guilt trip on and ended up hanging up on me. How do I deal with the situation, and more importantly, is she the reason I’m at the liquor store so much in the first place?
– Chatty Kathy’s Daughter

Dear Nancy,
We do live in tough times. Doesn’t the technology that allows people who care about you to contact you at any time just piss you off? My advice is to throw your cell phone at the first person you see who supports Donald Trump for president and then move off the grid. You should head south to the desert where you can find agave plants. No more annoyances or liquor stores, just tequila and freedom.
– Silent Diver

Dear Diver,
So, first Lemmy Kilmister kicked the bucket, followed by David Bowie, Glenn Frey and now Earth Wind and Fire’s Maurice White. I am worried that pretty soon all the good music makers of the 70s and 80s will be dead, and we’ll be left with the likes of Maroon Five, Coldplay and One Direction. Please, Diver, tell me it’s not the end of the world as we know it.
– Singing the Blues

Dear Singer,
I was born in ’87 so I really don’t know who any of those people are. But as a punk-rocker I feel your pain. Most of the good bands who were recklessly wild and hated authority have been replaced by bands like Green Day whining about the month of September. Where has all the good music gone? Government conspiracy. With no good music to soothe our souls, we have to rely on pills to avoid going insane keeping those giant pharmaceutical companies rich. Or, we’re just becoming the old people who used to hate our music (but probably not). You may have to resort to rocking out to Adele while in the shower, at least it’s a place where tears can’t be seen
– Rocking Diver

Seek help from the master of the In-Sinkerator. The diver has the solutions to life’s little messes. Send your problems to, “Ask the Diver:"
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